Lilu

We got word while we were at South Plains that i am getting my little girl puppy! She'll be arriving from North Carolina on March 4th. i'm probably changing her name to Lilu Dallas. Here's her picture. She looks like a double handful of trouble, if you ask me. She's the same age as Taybor and is also an American Bulldog mix. i am so in love with that eyebrow!

i was talking to Sir about our canine history together. Every dog we've had together was brindle coloured in one way or another. (Either all brindle like Basil or part/mostly brindle like Chaos or Taybor.) So, Lilu fits the brindle history!

It's going to be a very busy and exciting weekend! i can't wait!

Heat

Ahhhh... blessed heat! i am so happy the heat is back on. The repair dude was so darn afraid of dogs. i know if you have a phobia, there's not much you can do to fight it - but you don't need to be rude to me.
As soon as he got here, he started backing away from the door -
"is that a pitbull?"
No, it's not. Not at all. Not a pit bull. Not one bit of pit in him. Really.
"well, other people like dogs like that, but i don't."
Dogs like that? You mean you don't like puppies?
"Lock him in the garage or basement or put him outside."
Ummm, i don't have a basement or garage and since YOU'RE going to be working OUTSIDE, that might be a bad idea. Besides, it's too cold out for Taybor to be out for more that a short period of time. And i don't take orders from strange men.
The guy refused to come in and out thru the house, so he went all the way around the house and of course, when he was done left the back gate open. i guess so the big bad puppy could run into the street and eat a car or something.
When we were trying to settle up the bill, i put Taybor in the studio and put up the gate. The guy asked "Is he safe?" Yes, my dog is safe from you, behind a gate. As soon as he saw the gate he literally ran out of the house cursing and refused to even come on the first step in to the house. He pretty much tossed the paperwork to me and ran away, truck squeeling.
Unbelievable.

But we have heat. So me and my big bad puppy are going to re-assemble the beds as they should be and bask in the warmth.
The End.

Gearing up

Getting ready for SPLF. i am doing some furious packing today since i am off from work. i am alos bundled up against the cold, since Sir's furnace broke Saturday night. Man oh Man is it cold in here! Sir let me sleep in His bed last night so we could combine all the bedding and share the warmth. Weird. It was really a treat but i do not understand how all you people sleep so high up! It's scary! :-)

i got an email from Taybor's adoption agency. They have a little girl, American Bulldog mix, same age as Taybor for adoption. She's even with the same foster dad. He remembers us and is really happy that she's going to be with Taybor and us. They're supposed to drive her up from North Carolina next weekend and i'll most likely pick her up (or she'll be delivered) on Tuesday right after we get back from SPLF.
Her current name is Spanky. i hate that name, Sir said i could name this one so i'll have to think of something.

Hurray! the heat guy is here... gotta go let him in, pronto!

Flooring!

Today Sir, slave boy chuck & i ran out to Dom Depot to look at flooring. They were running a good deal so... tah dah! We bought it! We took the underflooring home in sbc's tiny car and i rode in the back seat with it! At least i was well cushioned in case we got in to an accident. The rest of the floor will live at the Depot until we get back from South Plains Leather Fest.

For now we are in for the long haul with the big Nor'Easter that's dumping snow on the east coast. i can't wait to take Taybor out for his first deep snow walk tomorow!

Bad Dream

Sunday i had a horrible dream. i dreamed that we put Baz to sleep. When i woke up, i was totally disoriented. i looked up on my dresser and saw the green gift bag that i brought Baz's remains home in. It wasn't a dream.
i totally lost it and and freaked out, big time. What a horrible way to wake up.

i am having a hard time acting like nothing happened. Every part of my day was full of him. i can't even put down a snack for Taybor without remembering Baz's antics and quirks. Walking through the door at the end of the day is hard without having him wagging his ass to greet me with a toy in his mouth. Leaving for work is just as bad without having him standing there wagging me out the door and giving me a doggie kiss.

Ugh.

CAKE!

Here's a picture of the cake that Ross, Former Mr NJ Leather and all round swell baker made for current Mr NJ Leather Tom - 2nd Runner up in this years MAL! WHOO HOO! Good showing Tom! HSL is damn proud of you!

(And a hint for those of us with a sweet tooth - the SWEET TEMPTATIONS bake sale is coming up soon.... featuring fabulous goodies baked by Ross. More details to follow!)

Basil

Well, Mr Basil Dogbone is home. We got the call that his ashes were ready for pick up. i stopped in after work, i was fine - down right cocky. Until they handed me a nice green gift bag, with green tissue paper and a beautiful cedar box inside. We didn't order a special container, so i was taken back. When i picked up the bag and accepted the receptionists condolences, i was fine. Then the thought flashed through my head - He's wrapped up like the gift he was.

Then i lost it. Weeping in the lobby, i was howling by the time i crossed the parking lot to my car. i admit it, i was a slobbering lunatic, beating on my trunk and scaring the hell out of some guy who was just picking up his cats. He took one look at me and fled. Lunatic spinning around with a green gift bag, banging on car and mumbling something about "missing her 'pie". Oy.

He's now on my altar in the living room. my heart's aching all over again.

i miss my 'pie.

Perimenopause

Good Grief! i had a gyno appointment yesterday, just a check up. i had a few questions about being 'irregular' (like when have i ever been regular?) i thought maybe it was a side effect from being off the steriods.

Nope. Perimenopause.
Soon i'll be sitting with slave catherine, chanting "is it hot in here or is it just me?"

The Weekend

Weel, after the absolute crappy and mayhem filled week we had - we ended up having a great weekend.
Thursday we did the TES Queer SIG piercing demo. That went really well, especially since we had less than 24 hours to put together the presentation and make a coherent class handout. i had a blast!

Friday was chill out time and catch up on domestic things. Relaxing.

Saturday i ran around like a nut getting ready for the show. i think i tried on at least 50 outfits, so darn nervous. Arrugh! Would we get along? Would old wounds get re-opened? Would we have anything to speak about? The emails Pete/Jack and i have been exchanging seemed friendly enough, but you never can tell how it'll go in person.
Well, i have to say that i had one of the most pleasant and gratifying experiences that i've had in a long time. There's still a total connection there. It was as if there wasn't this huge time gap there. Conversations picked up from years ago, right where they left off. Sir and Pete/Jack bickered over music and hair and the usual things - i egged them both on! Nothings changed.
The rest of the band were an awesome group of people who i look forward to getting to know better.
It was a lot of fun running interference between his fans and blocking them from watching him change into his stage clothes! Ah, the life of a rock star.

We'll be getting together soon. i'm supposed to get a private tour of the MET (on a day the museum is closed!) in his company, that will be amazing to have that experience all to myself!

i am a very happy girl! Lucky to have such a good and true hearted friend to re-connect with. (and it helps that he's a leather & hot boots & sandalwood wearin' guy.) sigh!

Sunday i knew Sir would have no mercy on my hung-over tired self and i'd still be dragged to the gym. Somehow i woke up at 6:30 am. Feeling like a baby dragon used my mouth as a litter box. But still really flying emotionally from the whole night. i had am awesome workout, a few personal bests. Then a taxing day at Sir's Aunt's house to assemble some furniture. my old butt doesn't like sitting on cold tile while working! Ouch! Home to a nice meal of roasted chicken with rosemary and baby potatoes with lemon and garlic.

Fantastic! The week ended exactly as i needed it to, with some great communication with Sir and reconnection to a dear friend.

It's done

i swore i wouldn't post again today, but i wanted to let my faithful readers know that the deed is done. Mr. Basil Dogbone left this world at around 7:30 pm. Held safely in our arms. i am happy to report that he was as high as a kite and it was such a relief to see him feeling no more pain for a few minutes as we waited for the tranquilizer to set in before we administered the "final shot".

It's a blessing to be able to send him on his way in peace. i got to see Sir weep, a very rare thing. i told Him that i loved Him more because He was able to cry with me.

Taybor keeps looking around the house for his big brother.

The house is too quiet.

Today's the day

Sir and i have an appointment at 7pm to put Basil to sleep. i came home early from work to spend a few hours alone with him. He didn't get up to greet me, and at first i couldn't find him in any of his usual nap spots. Then i heard the thump of his wagging tail. He was sprawled out on my bed on the floor. He didn't get up but when i got on the floor with him, he was full of kisses and snuggles.

After a few minutes of snuggling he got up and made his way to the kitchen where he chowed down on all the snacks i left him this morning. Smoked pig ears, cheese.... a doggie delight! i fixed him up a bowl of chicken parts, brown rice and broth - again, right down the hatch. Slowly and carefully - but at least he's enjoying what he eats.

Taybor is being very tentative and careful around Baz. You can tell that Tay knows something is wrong. In fact, last night Taybor walked out of the living room and went on Sir's bed to eat a rawhide. He never does that. He always wants to be where we are, but i think the tension is too much.

i feel so horrible saying this but i want this to be over. For Basil's sake and Taybors. So we can move on. i don't mean so that i can forget or so my pain will be less. It's just that there's such a spector of death here and the pain is just radiating out of all 4 of us. It hurts to breathe.

Ugh. i don't even know what i'm saying. i'm going to go rumpus with Taybor for a while and then try to nap in the sun patch with Basil for the last time. my nap buddy, he loves to snuggle for an afternoon nap with me.

Mr Basil

Well, if you've been keeping up with Sir's journal, i'm sure you know by now that Baz has taken a major turn for the worst. He's hurting internally, he's being very snappy with Taybor. He's just not a happy dude. It hurts my heart to see him wanting to play, he runs (slowly) to get a toy and engage Taybor in a tug of war, but as soon as Tay touches him - he freaks out and is definitely in pain.

i'm cooking up some good snacks for him (gizzards and livers and other doggie things) so he can have some good meals. i hate to feel like i'm making him his "last meal" but really, if we must "put him to sleep" this week (and i have a feeling that we will) then i want him to enjoy his favorites. He's going to have all the cheese and biscuits and chicken liver that he wants.

It's just so hard to know exactly when the right time is. He can't tell you that he's done and had enough. It's always guess work. In the past, i think we sometimes waited too long in prolonging our pets lives - and that's just selfish on our part because we don't want to say good bye.

When we had to put our dog Chaos to sleep (the first pet we had together) it was so hard. Our vet actually sighed with relief and said we were doing the right thing, finally. That made me feel horrible, but i totally understood what she was saying. He was not happy, not eating and it was past time to do what needed to be done.

My little Pippin, sweet ferret, was blind & bald and going deaf - but each day was a joy to her and blind and weird looking as she was, showed that she was enjoying life right until the end. The decision to end her life was clear cut and easy to make, although not easy to carry out.

It's tough. With each pet death, i ask myself why we continue to share our lives with animals that will obviously die before we probably will. No easy answer for that one. They've become such a part of my life that i'll never be with out a dog. Nothing can ever come close to the feeling i get when no matter how long i'm gone - if i am gone all day at work or just ran out for 1 minute to get the mail - i get the same greeting. As if i am really the center of the Universe and they are so darn happy to see me. Maybe that's totally narcissistic, but who cares?

Dogs have taught me more about unconditional love that almost any human ever has. That, i think, makes the grief in their passing worth suffering through.

spiffy

Here's a picture of me with my spiffy new glasses that Sir picked out for me. i very rarely wear glasses in public - they're really to get me from bed to the bathroom, so i can put in my contacts. But these i like so much, i might actually wear in public!
(Did i mention how much i love blogging from the cell phone camera that Sir got me for xmas?)

Oy what a week!

One of my co-workers got canned, my boss is cranky, everyone here is out of sorts - it's like there's some mildly poison gas here and it affecting everyone's mood. Icky. i hate it!
Sir's having about the same week that i am - lots of poisonous backstabbing corporate bull going on there. It's not a full moon or anything! Damn!

i have to say that i look so forward to coming home each night. More so when we've had days like this. Even if Sir's withdrawn and not able to talk about how rotten the day was, we're still in a circle of self imposed peace at home. OK, so the dogs are growlin' and bickering, but still - i'd rather listen to dogs bickering over toys than people doing the same thing over even more ridiculous things. At least when the dogs are at it, it's over a good prize like a piece of cheese or a soft cushion. Humans bicker over status and that's just stupid!

Sunday Sir and sbc will be at MAsT NY (the men's group)so me and my vagina will stay home and play in the studio and do some cookin'. Maybe watch some crusty costume drama that Sir hates. Sounds like a nice man-free day!

That's all for now, i have to lock up the office and head home to meet Sir. Then we're off to pick out some swanky eye glasses for me. Not that anyone will ever see me in them, they're strictly to get me from my bed to the bathroom where i can insert my contacts. But my old ones are over 6 years old and not even close to the correct prescription.
Then it's home for QUALITY TIME - popcorn (real popcorn, cooked on the stove, with real butter!)and movies and snuggling. Hopefully the dogs will settle in and be quiet. Although, Basil and Taybor have a fondness for popcorn! So there may be some bickering! :-)

alpha?

What a busy weekend! i feel like i was beaten up and fucked almost to death. Oh, wait - i was!

Friday's DSF presentation went really well. Although, i still could only hear myself speaking as 'whaa whaa whaa' in my own head - apparently i spoke clearly and made sense. Except the comment about Sir being like planet earth. Whatever - so i lost my mind! It took well over an hour after the presentation to finally answer all the personal, private questions that people wanted to ask but weren't comfortable asking in front of the whole audience. Since i was called Sir's alpha slave in front of so many witnesses - repeatedly, i guess it must be true!

We got down to playing and i got my ass beat. Excellent. i haven't had a good thrashing like that in a long time. Still, not one mark on me! my platelet count must be well over 300,000 right now. Nice!

Got to hang with Mr. s and sbc all weekend. That was cool! sbc was so helpful the whole weekend. i am beginning to really depend on him to help me and it's really a joy to have him around. Mr. s was his usual feisty and extremely pleasant self. One cool dude, truly.

Saturday was the central NJ MAsT Meeting. Very cool - nice turn out. Sir and i got to do another 'presentation' or actually a stapling demo. i thought i'd be the demo bottom - but some one else ended up in the chair *grin* and did VERY VERY well! What a brave little dirty girl! So i got to be helpful nurse barb and i must say i had fun speaking on what was going on, how it felt, what could go wrong, and how much fun it can be!

Sunday i had my art class with Debbie Tlach (an example of her work)- i white knuckle drove down to the studio - man, the roads were bad from the ice storm. i kept thinking i should turn around and go home, so many accidents on the road - but i was determined to get there. As it turned out, 20 women drove thru that crap to get there, not one person stayed home.

Fun class - over crowded but i learned a lot of new techniques and had a blast. One really weird thing happened. A woman walked in and i did a double take because i could have sworn that i knew her. She came right up to me and said -" i know you. From where?" i said ' i don't know, but i think your name is Ruth" and it was! We spent the next 6 hours of class time, trying to figure it out. i think it really freaked us both out quite a bit. Very strange.

i also got to help out during this class with a lot of the basic technique. It was more of an advanced polymer clay class and i've done a ton of sculpture with that medium before. So i helped people with the basics, some knot work to finish the jewelry, how to use a dremel tool, etc. i surprised myself with how much i already knew. (i was also surprised at how unprepared for an advanced class people were, but hey - at least they showed up and tried!)

I came home with new tools for my studio, new techniques to try out and a new found confidence in my skills.

Three presentations/demos in one weekend. Pshew! i need a rest!

busy busy busy

SO darn busy this week. i had a great day on the road, visiting my clients. Got some great news - they were bought out by an Icelandic company and i was sure we'd loose the business but i got word today it looks like we keep it AND get another location or two. i have top put together a presentation and kiss some major butt, but it looks good for us! Go Iceland!

just a few days to our presentation at Paddles - i am totally NOT looking forward to it because, there's no prep that can be done. AND i am all about being prepared, reading up, writing down, rehearsing. Ick - no practice? Unheard of. Absurd.

Then the blessed weekend and Sunday is my art class. Hands on! With a renowned artist who has invented a bunch of crazy products for us to get our hot little hands on. YAY! It's been a while since i've done any works in polymer, so i am a bit intimidated throwing myself headlong in to a class - but screw it! Judge my art? Feh!

Taybor lost one of his fangs yesterday. Sir found it on the carpet. It's so tiny! He's almost up to 40 lbs. OY!

NYC

Off to MAsT Metro today. Sir let me wear whatever i wanted to i got a bit decked out. Happy girly girl! YAY!
It was great to see Sir Stephen up and about. Oy, that bruise is bad!
Great turn out for the meeting and i got some really fab birthday gifts. Thanks folks! It was so awesome to see giannis and Sir Eric and Lady Christie - i think i haven't see thos guys in almost a year - well, it feels like a year!

Good job by sparky and s.b.c. in re-organizing the collection of meeting fees and sign in. i think that'll work out well. It should be less disruptive for late comers and make the meetings a bit smoother.

Well, i've stretched my birthday out to 3 solid days - let's see if i can make it one solid month! i am still 'owed' a birthday dinner by Sir's Aunt.... a massage at spa from Sir..... a hands-on art class next Sunday....a concert at the end of the month...Yep, i think i can drag this out to a full month! Go me!

Cold again

Since i came down with yet another cold we didn;t head to the Leather Bar night, instead we stayed home and i rested. OK, actually we watched t.v. and had a lot of birthday sex..... However, slave boy chuck went to the bar night to represent the household and - wow, so many people got me gifts and cards! Pup and Amy got me some awesome cool stuff (yes, i am a sock fiend!!! WOW!) and Sal, Dion and Ton got me some gorgeous flowers! To all - THANK YOU VERY MUCH! it blew me away when sbc came over with arm loads of gifts and flowers today. i really feel loved! sbc got me some really cool Japanese bowls and an Amaryllis. i feel like a Queen.

Today is major catch up day here. We took the tree down and all the decorations. Sad - but Sir is gracious enough to wait until after my birthday to do that. my father used to take that stuff down on my birthday and i always hated that.

i downloaded some of Sir's old band's music from i-tunes. Very weird to get Sir in download form. Weird. Weird! It sounds so good! i am blown away by their talent and remembering all the good times, traveling in the orange v.w. van - with the virgin mary (ask me about her, i'm not typing that story online!) Crazy fun times. Creativity and possibilities pouring out of us at all times. What a blast. i've had an exciting life thus far -i'm a lucky girl!

Catching up

Ahhh, my birthday. 39? Who woulda thunk it? Still crazy! Still weird. i love it!

i've been reaching out to a lot of people from my past. Since one of them is removed from the Leather scene, He's been able to give me astoundingly good advice. i really love that guy! You know who You are! i wish we weren't so far apart in distance but it seems like we've been able to pick up this conversation from 'lo these 20 years ago. Ahh, synchronicity.

The other person i've reached out to was very happy to hear from Sir Larry & i. We'll hopefully get to see him doing a show in NJ on the January 28th. i am excited and nervous about that one. It's always weird seeing people after you left the band that you were in. Most of the time it's like a bad break up with your boyfriend. Even if it was a mutually agreed on split, you can't really be friends anymore. You've just gone thru too much together. At least, that's how it seems to me. But who knows, it's been years and years so maybe wounds have healed and we can talk about old times and how much the youth of today have gone to hell.

i hope that's the case. i really want to stay in contact with those people who influence me, helped me grow, literally saved my life when i needed saving and made me care passionately about things. In fact, just made me passionate in general. ;-)

i'll toast You guys with some absinthe tonight and drink to our continued friendship. Sigh. Here's to Birthdays and old Passion. Keep on!

Later: as promised... Absinthe! The Green Fairy is loose!

Vox from the past, raises, bonuses etc

i got in touch with a good friend after... well, it must be well over 10 years. So fine to get in touch and have him be happy to hear from me. Sir also emailed him and that went well - so that's awesome. i think we're getting together in the new year, i can't wait! i missed him, i missed the verbal repartee (and big words) that we shared. i miss being inspired by his creativity. i miss having him push me to my limits and get on stage and SING damn it! He never took any whining about not being able to do it - he just said "you're doing it, because you're good" and i did it.

i had forgotten that i did that, i forgot that i could do that. Between re-awakening my art and getting in touch with him and a lot of other small changes i've been making - i feel like i am waking up from a long sleep after a cold winter. That sounds really negative - as if i don't appreciate what i have been doing all these years. That's not the case at all. But there are so many parts of myself that i thought i needed to lay aside in order to grow, when what i really needed to do was put them in my hobo bag and take them along with me on my journey.

On the work front, today was HUGE FREAKIN' BONUS DAY as well as very nice raise and a pat on the back for a job well done day. Excellent, nice to be appreciated and feel like there's some security there.

We also, unexpectedly got the whole day off tomorrow - so i have a 4 day weekend to spend with Sir! Hurray! Hurrah!