The merry ol' month of March

When i was a freshman in High School i had an extremely traumatic series of events during the month of March. Things that left me with two black eyes, a bruised trachea, an assortment of broken ribs. Things that lead me to leave home and begin legal prosectution against my family - which eventually lead me to being an 'emancipated minor' living in my own apartment by the time i was 15, my baby brother and sister living in foster care.
March is still a shaky, painful time for me. Some years, it's better than others. 3 years ago in March, i was able to get in touch with Someone who helped save my life back then. (Although, some people would say He was the indirect cause of what happened, i know that isn't true. He did no violence, He caused no violence. my blood was on someone else's hands!) i found out He was happy, married, has lovely children - what a relief to know that! Between He and Sir sticking with me through all the family court bullshit and the trial, i came out a better, stronger person.
This year, it's hard. It's the hardest it's been for me in years. i keep reliving that beating over and over. While it was going on, i had to throw myself down a flight of stairs to get my mother to release her strangle hold on my throat. i keep seeing in my mind... her face right in front of mine, contorted with hatred, the bannister flying past our faces, the floor coming up fast beneath us....
There's just been no time for me to process all this raw emotion. There's so much going on right now, between Lilu's surgery and work and writing presentations and everything else going on... i just want to yell STOP! i feel like a woman in the middle of labor, who is so hurt and scared and exhausted, feeling like they just need to stop for 5 minutes to catch their breath. And they can't.
i can't.

So for now, i leave all my faithful readers to join me in blessing the three people who helped me make it out alive.
Jill Elijah, my lawyer. She is a beautiful strong woman and a LIONESS when it came to protecting me. Look where she is now! Damn, She is that good!

Jack B. my first love, who taught me it was ok and even necessary to let go.

And Sir, without whom i doubt i'd be here anymore.

All the pain that was inflicted on me made me who i am today. i am a damn lucky woman.