the ITP anniversary

This weekend marks the anniversary of the i was first diagnosed with ITP - the weird red marks all over my body, the extreme bruising for no reason. The doctor fluffing it off with - "oh, just take some vitamin c, you'll be fine. ok, i'll do a blood test, if you insist. " The crazy phone call the next day to "get my ass in the hospital, now. Don't even go home to get clothes. Just go NOW."

i was so scared, i actually stopped for a cup of really good coffee on the way, figuring if i was about to get a death sentence, i'd do it with one of my pleasures in hand. Sir was SO afraid for me. i remember hearing Him and the Dr. whispering in the hallway about LEUKEMIA. WHAT!!!??? The extremely painful bone marrow biopsy (if anyone wants to see my tiny scar - just ask. i just realized this week that it was still visable) the awful platelet transfusion, which came after a long and scary wait because blood was in short supply over a holiday weekend..... watching fireworks out of my hospital window, hooked up to an i.v. - that was freakin' sad. (oh, not to mention that i started leaking spinal fluid from the biopsy and got really sick from that! Oy!) i wasn't sure that the diagnosis that i got was any better than leukemia, since i'd never heard of the disease before - scary stuff.

SO, here i am many drug therapies and 3 surgeries later. My Hemotologist gave me clearance to go forth and do what ever it is that i do (i was pretty out with him as a pervert) my counts are stable and i feel great. What a long strange trip it's been. If it hadn't been for me getting sick - i wouldn't have petitioned to be Sir's slave Interesting, huh?

i am a lucky, healthy girl!

Pre-TES FEST PARTY!

whoo hoo! Perverts gathering in their masses!
We'll have a house full o' people tonight, (ok, not FULL but 2 extra= 5 total) i am excited. i'm gonna rush home and whip up some:
Baked Ziti, salad, garlic bread, meatballs & sauce and a vietnamese noodle salad for the vegans in the crowd. (ok, i'm not a vegan - i'd just rather eat a cool salad when it's this humid out)

i'm off to lunch and when i return it'll be time for yet another party - ice cream cake farewell party for a retiring co-worker. Huzzah! Huzzah for ice cream cake!

Contact

What a crap week of work! Really! my boss hasn't checked in even once - which i guess is good because he trusts me to run the place without him. Or is it because he knows i'd yell at him about how under staffed we are? Who knows. i'd better get some swag from Italy or i'm going to be really annoyed.

i just mailed a letter to a dear old friend that i lost contact with. He has a way of settling me down with His emails but i think He's gone offline.... UGH! So i sent a real paper letter with a  stamp! i hope He replies. i hope the reason He fell out of contact isn't that His wife didn't like me speaking to Him. Or worse yet, that He really just doesn't want to speak to me!   i really want His opinions on some of the contest stuff, mostly with the emotional crap that i'm worrying about. He generally just tells me to shut up and stop being a goof. Doesn't put up with my nonsense - kind of a verbal face slapping on a hysterical person.  He's a good hearted man who stood by me (along with Sir) while i was going thru all my family's angst  and the family court abuse case and alot of other teen age drama. A good guy, that one.

boo boo

OK, so my pinkie is not broke, just squashed but my nail was ripped off and that really still hurts a lot! i hate non-consensual pain!

Spent many hours cleaning the house with Sir. It probably would have gone faster if the dogs didn't need to help. Every time we'd sweep up a pile of dust, they'd have to rummage thru it and look for goodies..... But the house looks great now. i love cleaning with my Master - we're crankin' tunes, i strip down and scrub the house while i'm shakin' my booty!

There's really only 2 days of work left until the weekend. i just have to get past tomorrow and Thursday. For Friday, i suggested to the warehouse manager that she get all the UPS & Fedex pickups as early as possible so we can blowout of there. Not surprisingly, she agreed. (i love being in charge sometimes.) i'm pretty well "out" with her, she knows i'm in to leather, etc. She also knows that TES Fest is this weekend and why i want to get there ASAP. She knows i'm up to no good this weekend! :-)

i'm going to go collapse and enjoy the sparkling house and contemplate a devious take down scene for the weekend. i need to put my head together with my co-conspirator and figure out some logistics..... be careful what You hint around about - You just might get it!

nothing like....

There's nothing like returning to work after a fantastic weekend and having a real turd of a day! At least i had the pleasure of being uncomfortable where ever i sat down AND i kept banging my bruised thigh on my desk. Ah, the gift that keeps on giving! *grin*

i just realized that the dead line for ordering Sir's work anniversary gift was closing in today - He handed me the catalog a few weeks ago and said "hey,  you can pick out anything you like from this catalog, the company's giving me a 10 year anniversary gift... by the way, I like the smoker/grill" So i just ordered  it up. Should be here in a few weeks. i am a total BBQ fanatic, when i have enough time to do it right.  48 hour marinades, 24 hour dry rubs on the ribs. Oh, yeah! (ok, so i don't eat red meat but i can live vicariously) i've only gotten to grill once this year and it wasn't so good. i have a feeling that that might have been the last time for this summer since we're going to be so darn busy!

ok, lilu just jumped on me, ripped off my pinkie nail and i think she broke my pinkie. signing off now......

Pride

And then it rained again! Sunday, up early.... quick breakfast and then i was FINALLY allowed to take a shower. Yeah, i needed that! :-) Quick ride in to the city...great lunch-freshly made potato chips with my sandwich, yum! (that's what the hip kids say now a days)

Tons of fun under the grey skies. A bit of play with my new playmate - i do like single tails, i do, i do! i like my life! i am a very, very lucky girl! (oink!)

It took forever to figure out where to get the train back to the car, but the trip home was fast. Great conversation on the Household, expectations, wishes.... Yeah, all great stuff. i repeat - i am a very, very lucky girl.
A hot bath, foot massages all around and off to bed soon. i'm gonna sleep like a happy piglet. 

Rainy days and Saturdays get me....

OK, So little Miss me - afraid to travel alone.... Headed out in the monsoon on Saturday a.m. Got to the ferry after much delay and drenching. Wow, did they ever change the ferry terminal since i was last there. Mom's ashes in hand, i stood outside and waited for the right moment. A lack of cops and onlookers, plus i really wanted to let her go when we passed the Statue of Liberty - since she' s the closest thing we've got to a Goddess in the harbor. Here's a picture of the salt shaker that my sister put my share of my Mom's ashes in. Yes, it's got a picture of a cock on it. (ok, Rooster if you insist)
i gave it some thought, i wished we'd gotten along. i wish her life wasn't so damn hard for her. i wish my father wasn't such a bastard to her. But i'm grateful that she made me the person that i am - a damn strong and damn capable woman. And then i let her go ..... Plop. She floated until that little shaker was out of sight. i feel much lighter now. She was a heavy burden to carry.

Got in to NYC, met up with a new friend and a newer friend. Got a great lunch, learned some stuff about my self that i already suspected and generally surprised myself. Several great hours later, i was in a cab and then back on the ferry - grinning like an idiot. Thank Goddess they sell orange juice on the ferry!

i drove home and went past the house where i grew up - the Pine trees that were planted when i was born are literally over the rooftop. Weird. Cool. The Japanese Maple that my mother grew from a seed that she brought with her when she moved here is just gigantic. That made me 15 minutes later than i should have been home, but all was forgiven. i came in to the house to see two fabulously happy people who greeted me with my favorite treat from Rita's (vanilla custard and mango Italian ice!) and a welcome home note on the door. The intrepid traveler returns!

i like rainy Saturdays. Can't wait for my next voyage.

The crack of Morning

Crunch Crunch *opens one eye* What's that noise? .... silence.....

Crunch Crunch *opens one eye* TAYBOR!!!!!!

Taybor stole Kyra out of my bed and ate one of her eyes. (Kyra, which means "ladylike" in greek is my stuffed rhino) The litle girl in me is severly traumatized! The eye is gone, no hope of reattachement. i'll have to make her an eye patch. Very sad and very angry. Sir just got Kyra for me a few weeks ago when i was really sad and having a tough time.

Plus, someone pee'd on my blanket again! Damn it! i think i'm going to rig up something with Sir's Folsom box that shock the pee-er when they do that. There's got to be a way.

Ok, gruel for breakfast and off to the gym... then off to ride the SI ferry and when... who knows? :-)

What to do?

Still trying to put together my "slave barb does NYC alone" day for Saturday. i'm not happy with any of the things that i've selected. The Circle Line? The Bodies exhibit at South Street Seaport?

Maybe just stomp around my old digs on SI, visit my old High School wander the grounds of Snug Harbor where i used to hang with my best buds (friends forever, we'll never be apart... haven't seen nor heard from in ..oh, 20+ years) But the thought of that is just too bitter.

Back when my mother died (Sept 1999) i didn't go to see her in the hospital. That we had a hatred filled relationship is an understatement, but i loved her like... a mother. She truly was the strongest woman physically and emotionally (by that i mean she was like a volcano of rage) My little sister and older brother had her cremated. My sister in a fit of perversity, split the ashes into my mom's salt & pepper shaker collection and distributed it to the siblings - since we all hated each other and couldn't/wouldn't share custody of her. i didn't want this piece of my dead mother. What the hell was i going to do with it? i've been trying to figure out how to get rid of it without being disrespectful, maybe i'll give her to the NY Harbor... there's along story about why i'd leave her in that particular place. It seems fitting to do it but i'm not explaining that here. Now.

Yes, perhaps releasing my mother to the deep blue to swim with the fishies, ride the ferry, hike up to the Seaport and then look at a bunch of dead bodies. How very Goth of me. :-)
Sounds like a plan to me!

testing and boots

i am testing out a new Firefox extention so i can blog from my browser window... should lead to more spontaneous blogging from work - if it works!

Sir just had me look up some pricing at work on a pair of boots. Boot Whore that He is, He needs something else for work.
He already has these
and these:

and these:

But now He needs these:

i have such a great job - Boots are just a side business here, it's a good thing they don't actually stock all of these in our warehouse or i'd really get nothing done. It was bad enough when we had one pallet of Corc's come and i was outside sniffing the cartons. So many boots.....*shiver*

So much for Yoga

Yes, Yes.... we started out having a discussion and ended up being over come on the sofa - so to speak. i do so love when Sir takes me shopping at Babeland. Plus some other stuff came in the mail today that apparently got Him all hot and bothered. :-)

So i made us late for Yoga and before we knew it, it was 8:30. (Yoga started at 8)

What a way to celebrate the Solstice! Happy Solstice to All!

Whacking off

Ok, so i'm enjoying the early morning wake up i've been trying to do. i've been about 60% successful in getting up when Sir does. i wasn't in the head space to follow through for part of last week, but today i was up early. Got a hot porno photo from Sir to my cell phone, which lead to hot phone sex with me, Sir and my Hitachi.... And then - Lilu hopped up on the bed and pee'd all over the blankets. Talk about a buzz kill (pun intended)
So, instead of the highly productive morning i was anticipating - i was washing the sheets and blankets for Sir's bed. Grumble. Maybe Lilu's thinking - "OH, barb's having sex by herself, usually the big dude pees on her... Maybe i need to help out here." Perhaps she really was trying to be a helpful dog. She really did look contrite - even as she was doing it. Sigh.

Off to Yoga tonight. Yay! i need it bad, my hips are all out of whack from standing so long this weekend. Tomorrow is dinner in the park and then i get to do Sir's boots - i hope the weather holds out and we don't have one of those typical NJ summer thunder storms at sunset. i really want to do His boots outside. :-)

Still putting together my itinerary for my solo day in the city on Saturday. slave barb does Manhattan - maybe i'll run in to some charming person or people to keep me entertained. :-)

Leather Pride Weekend

This weekend some one who i didn't know was a reader of mine commented that i don't journal often enough! Well, i'll try to do better - You know who you are! (if my faithful readers would leave a comment now and then, maybe i'd be more inspired...)

It was a really tough week for me leading up to LP. Lots of emotional stuff to work though. i'm proud to say the HSL is a bunch of tough mother fuckers, willing to do the hard work and dig deep. i'm proud of us all!

When we left for LPN, my heart just wasn't in it, but i ended up having a decent time at LPN and a blast at Folsom. On Monday Sir took me to Gunnison Beach where i had a great naked time and got sun burn in places that i never have before! After going there, i can't understand why anyone WOULDN'T want to go there - so much more comfortable and no sand chafing in the swimsuit. A perfect relaxing day - except for the biting flies (which bit me in places i've never had bites before!) i hope we can go back maybe in September, before it gets cold out but after the crowds of people think beach season is over.

Over all wrap up for the week - Hard work, Lots of flirting with someone :-) Hot leather Men and Women and Girls and Boys, a little sunburn, a few bug bites, some major relaxation and Oh, yes, a HUGE weight lifted of my shoulders. i am a lucky girl!

This Morning

*rustle rustle* open one eye... What's that noise? Oh NO! ... And before i can cringe one of the dogs jumped off the bed and right on to my calf. Ever been punched in the calf while you're sleeping? No? Well, good - for your sake, i hope you keep it that way. Let's not forget how big these dog feet are!
It hurt so bad that i was up and awake at 5:30, wandering the house , naked but for my slave jammies. i made a cup of tea and did some reading... Sir got up a bit later and released me and then i started on my day. (After we had some sexy morning activities)
What did i do before i went to work?
Let's see... i finished a purse that i've been working on for weeks. i made a kickin' batch of vegan mac & cheese, which i had for lunch and it was very yummy. i rescued a baby praying mantis from the hot stove (again! He keeps coming in the house and i keep putting him back in the front yard.) i cleaned and organized the kitchen blackboard/message center. Had phone sex with Sir - twice. :-)

i've decided that i need to commit to getting up early. i complain that i don't have time to get stuff done and... Well, maybe the only way there'll be enough hours in the day is if i get up at 5:30 am. (it seems to work for slave catherine, so i MUST give it a try) i'd like to start working on the Book Of Hours that i have. (don't worry, it's Pagan. No that i have anything against following a Catholic one, i just don't want my faithful readers to think that i've gone over to the 'other side! *grin*) i have never been an early riser - i wonder if my mother would have told me that i slept thru the night and well in to the morning even as a baby? This is going to be tough but infinitely worth it.
Another plus side was that there was no puppy wrangling when i left for work - they were so tired from running around for almost three extra hours that they happily went to their crates for some breakfast and a nap. Nice!
my calf still hurts!

Sir sent me these beautiful flowers today at work. Funny how everyone asks: Is it your birthday? Anniversary? No and No.... Then they ask Did you guys have a fight? No. The next thing out of everyone's mouth is "uh oh! He must have done something wrong!"

Why can't the Man send me flowers? Like His card to me said "Because I wanted to."

i haven't done anything 'wrong' when i sneak little treats (pocky, bottle caps candy and sometimes a toy or two) into His brief case. And i don't think anyone thinks it's weird if a woman does that for "her Man."

i'm going to stop worrying what other people think and just enjoy the spicy smell of these beautiful mums!

date night???

Sir took me out for 'date night' tonight. We went out for pizza (a rarity for me) i got 'grandma pizza' which was basically pizza margarita - very fresh mozzarella cheese! Bravo!
Then we scuttled over to Cold Stone Creamery for some amazing ice cream. Sir got cake batter flavored ice cream with white chocolate chips, coconut and rainbow sprinkles mixed in. i got cinnamon ice cream with heath bar mixed in. Those girls mixing the ice cream in by hand are going to have arms like fiddler crabs by the end of the summer.
The ice cream was so rich that neither of us could finish ours (and we only got mediums!) so, they're stored in the freezer waiting for tomorrow after work. (or my breakfast...)
Then, some post ice cream sex and we got busy writing anther presentation. Relaxing and creamy evening.
The dog are both hiding out since we're having a huge thunderstorm here. Tay keeps hiding under my skirt. That might work better if he wasn't 65 lbs! Sigh! big baby!