Amazing Weekend! First of all, i LOVE 4 day weekends! They've just got such relaxing feel, i love not knowing what day it is? Thinking that Saturday is Sunday and then realizing that i still have ANOTHER day off! Watching the two lines that are between Master's eyebrows go away during the course of the weekend is a big bonus for me!
We've been getting to spend a lot of time with our Asbury Leather Family and also with the NYboL Family in the past few weeks. i had no idea at the beginning of the title year how much i was going to miss those guys. No idea at all. i know that we've been doing really good work, but man, oh man... i really was getting home sick. i've been having fun the past few weeks, thinking of what to fill up the time with, after we step down. Yes, i know - we're already booked for a lot of dates in 2008. But it's not going to be anywhere near as busy. i firmly believe that the Universe hate a vacuum and will fill up empty space with something. So, before the Universe gives me some crappy space fillers, i've booked myself at another Art retreat. Not the same on as last year, but i am even more excited about going somewhere different and learning new things. So exciting. i had 15 days between when they announced the classes and when registration started, so i plotted and planned and i think i got the best possible classes for me. Some are just going to be fun, some are going to be difficult (metal work!) and a couple are really going to stretch my skills. And that, my friends, is going to be a good thing.
A few years ago when i got back in touch with an old friend (and Master's old band mate) He told me how he always looked up to me and my personal style. That i was an ass-kicking girl that made him so proud. That i was a role model for him. A role model? me? i started thinking about whether i had lived up to the expectations or projections that he'd put on me - and decided that i had NOT. But more importantly, i wasn't living up to my own expectations. i let a lot of crap get in my way. i completely abandoned my Art. i compromised my moral values. i compromised on what i needed to become a full, complete and healthy person. The combination of that kick in the ass and the mental/spiritual inventory that i did before running for the titles with Master did wonders for me. i decided that the people that i had chosen as role models for myself, the people who cut me off or cut me out or really, truly spiritually disappointed me were not worth looking up to.
i took a bold step 9 days ago, after 2 months of wondering and planning and discussing it with Master. With His encouragement, i've asked for something that i really, really want. For me, that 2 months of envisioning all the possible out comes, what could go wrong, what could go oh-so-right, was it worth the risk.... Yeah, i'm a ruminator. But, in the end, the only way to manifest something in to being is, i believe: do your homework, ask for what you need/want and then let it go..... (yes, that's how we Witches work!) The hardest part is the letting go. i asked for what i wanted and then let go so hard it hurt. (Part of what i let go was a piece of my Art, i've never done that. Ever. Scary stuff for a recovering Artist!) Patience is NOT my particular virtue. It looks like i am, ultimately going to get my heart's desire.
i am thankful for 4 day weekends, Holidays spent with Great Friends in warmth and good fellowship. i am grateful that i can let go of old baggage, to make room for new experiences. That my life is filled with Beauty and Art again. So happy that other people have reached out to me, welcomed me in to their circle. Grateful that i have a loving and generous Master to share my life with. Thankful for remission so that i can play hard again. Thankful for a body that is strong and is capable of giving and receive such great delight. For great, healthy role models. Thankful that my path in life has so many twists and turns and different paths that i can travel. Welcoming a new experience in to my life. i've made room for it to happen. There's a line on the book "The Mists of Avalon" about whether there's an after-life or not - Life itself is reward enough. i am starting to see that that is so true.
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