So, in the 6 weeks leading up to SPLF, i was beginning to feel more and more apprehensive. i just did not want to go. i tried analyzing it myself and finally, later rather than sooner, came clean with ML that i really just didn't want to go. i just wasn't sure if it was the money, which is still in short supply, or if i was afraid of finishing up the new classes (new classes which, of course, push every one of my own buttons and issues) or what. Master didn't have a good answer for what was bothering me.... but the night before we were going to leave, as it looked like we might get snowed in, i blurted out "i'm ok with not going, i'm tired of all these fake people anyway."
Master looked at me like i had 2 heads. 'What fake people? You don't mean in Dallas, do you?"
"well, no.... but...."
Yeah, so it turns out that because i'm just not happy with my interaction with people on the internets and on certain email groups that i'm on, i was lashing out at the Leather Community as a whole. We ended up being able to fly out on time and once we got there, i spent a lot of time talking to MW, who helped me to be able to put a lot of stuff in perspective. He's going thru many similar things, and in having conversations with other people on the same topic, i think all of our local communities are going through a flux right now. This is purely my opinion, a goodly portion of it is a sense of entitlement that is absolutely rampant. Also people (of both the M and the s persuasion) trying to grab power from outside rather seeking power within themselves. It's funny how when i complained about what i was seeing and feeling, that people from all over the country would laugh and say "But are you sure you're not from MY town? Because it's the same there too!" Which made me laugh but at the same time made me really quite sad. Because that means i can't get away from this!
But, such is life. It's never static, it's almost always wildly entertaining in a "oh-shoot-what's-happening-*now*-kind of way. i ended up having a great time, both our classes went really, really well. i absolutely adored the individuals and families that shared with the group all of their own trials and tribulations. i ended up completely melting down after the last class because i was so moved by the people who showed up (and i mean *showed up*!) to participate. From E. and her new Master, to the Triad who added so much to the conversation, to "Mr. Nickelback t-shirt" (He's always in our classes but i never remember His name....lol... but He adds so much!) (and His girl is so darn CUTE!) (and strong!)
i'm glad we made it there, i remember now why i love doing what i do. i remember why i love this community. i remember now that the first time i walking in the door at South Plains, i knew that i was finally home. my heart is full again!
Master looked at me like i had 2 heads. 'What fake people? You don't mean in Dallas, do you?"
"well, no.... but...."
Yeah, so it turns out that because i'm just not happy with my interaction with people on the internets and on certain email groups that i'm on, i was lashing out at the Leather Community as a whole. We ended up being able to fly out on time and once we got there, i spent a lot of time talking to MW, who helped me to be able to put a lot of stuff in perspective. He's going thru many similar things, and in having conversations with other people on the same topic, i think all of our local communities are going through a flux right now. This is purely my opinion, a goodly portion of it is a sense of entitlement that is absolutely rampant. Also people (of both the M and the s persuasion) trying to grab power from outside rather seeking power within themselves. It's funny how when i complained about what i was seeing and feeling, that people from all over the country would laugh and say "But are you sure you're not from MY town? Because it's the same there too!" Which made me laugh but at the same time made me really quite sad. Because that means i can't get away from this!
But, such is life. It's never static, it's almost always wildly entertaining in a "oh-shoot-what's-happening-*now*-kind of way. i ended up having a great time, both our classes went really, really well. i absolutely adored the individuals and families that shared with the group all of their own trials and tribulations. i ended up completely melting down after the last class because i was so moved by the people who showed up (and i mean *showed up*!) to participate. From E. and her new Master, to the Triad who added so much to the conversation, to "Mr. Nickelback t-shirt" (He's always in our classes but i never remember His name....lol... but He adds so much!) (and His girl is so darn CUTE!) (and strong!)
i'm glad we made it there, i remember now why i love doing what i do. i remember why i love this community. i remember now that the first time i walking in the door at South Plains, i knew that i was finally home. my heart is full again!
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