Alice in Wonderland.....

New Tim Burton movie coming out. Yay! But, somehow this still from the movie looks really familiar to me and i'm not at all sure why. Weird. It's reminding me of someone and i can't for the life of me remember who. Well, anyway, it certainly doesn't matter.

i know i've been MIA for quite sometime. Things have been rough for me, this whole imbalanced thyroid thing is a pain in the butt. Dr. W adjusted my synthroid and now i have some pills in the most lovely shade of Robin's egg blue. And, let me tell you, "peri-monopause" is really for the birds. But other than minor physical complaints, i can't whine too much. i enjoy the month of June, since i get to spend time with my Family, from NYC, To Asbury, Atlanta and beyond. :-)

Pick of the Day

Taybor is the pet Pick of the Day at the 1010wins.com website!

Lilu is also featured, but she's not the cover-girl! :-)
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It's all covered with spots!

my tonsils, i mean. Oy! i feel like crap. However, not quite so crappy that i can take the day off from work. i just saw my regular doctor... for the first time since the year we competed at South Plains. Heh, so i guess i've been doing really well. i mean, i've had the sniffles and other assorted miseries but no tonsillitis or sinus infections or other grue and slime inducing illnesses.

S, here i am, back at work, eating home made sourdough bread (if anyone local wants some of the culture, just let me know), listening to Peter Murphy and believe it or not, pondering a quote from Mother Teresa. Does this apply to M/s and/or the way slaves worry too much about stuff they have little or no business worrying about?

Don't give in to discouragement. If you are discouraged it is a sign of pride because it shows you trust in your own powers. Never bother about people's opinions. Be obedient to truth. For with humble obedience, you will never be disturbed.
--- Mother Teresa of Calcutta

The word for today is.....

Fealty.

Or maybe this one: Fidelity.

You can take Your pick. i'm not judging. i am merely presenting definitions for words or concepts that are probably as archaic to some people as the concept of self-control. They are certainly words that i will personally be meditating on in the next few days.

i bid you peace.

******************************************
On an entirely separate note regarding my post from yesterday: i did make it to the gym, i did work out and i totally kicked ass! And, when i went home, i discovered that my Master had made me a splendid chicken dinner. i remain the luckiest and most grateful girl in the world.

23.56!!!

i've been struggling lately and i wasn't sure why. Depression? Am i ill? Crazy? Well, no. i just got back the results from my latest thyroid check. My Dr and the nurse both looked at me in surprise "do you feel ok?" no. "oh, ok, because your numbers are terrible!"

     Does anyone else think that i'm nuts for being happy to get crappy test results? Now i feel like there's a reason for how i've been feeling so i'm relieved! Maybe the medicine adjustment will kick in and i'll be feelin' groovy soon. (if anyone's interested in the numbers: they "should" be between 0.4 and 4.5, my last check up showed 3.98, yesterday's test was 23.56!!! so, yeah, my 'roid is outta wack, to say the least!)

So, since i've been having so much trouble keeping my brain fog-free enough to blog, i thought i'd just fill out a little journal prompt to get me going....

FOR TODAY 1/27/09...
Outside My Window...it’s cloudy and COLD! It really feels like it’s going to snow any minute. However, I can also hear squirrels doing that weird chittering noise they make when it’s mating season. So, yes – Spring is coming!
I am thinking...i really don’t want to go to the gym. Yup, I’m whining! I’m tired and I’m cold, I just can’t warm up. The last ting I want to do today is strip off in the cold locker room and change in to my frozen sneakers and gym clothes. Yuck. But I’m going to do it anyway!
I am thankful for...a Master who’s been taking super good care of me while I’ve been feeling like crap.
From the slave quarters…I am struggling. Not with submission but rather with having absolutely zero energy lately. That makes me feel like I’m either lazy or perhaps just crazy.
From the kitchen... I’m trying to plan the menu for the upcoming Superbowl feast. After all, it is a religious holiday in Master’s Household! :-)
I am wearing...my ridiculous purple boots that are lined with polar fleece. Hey! I said I was cold! Fashion be damned, I can’t stand cold piggies.
I am creating...i’ve been doing a lot of sewing lately. I’ve finished 3 old, half-done projects. A vest with a funky lining, a goofy dress with pink rick-rack trim and a skirt.
I am going...to collapse on the couch with a cup of tea as soon as I get home.
I am reading...Horses at the Gate by Mary Mackey.
I am hoping...that my new Thyroid medication makes me feel better.
I am hearing...Gary Numan, from the Replicas album and also the Pick-Ticket Printer at work is clacking away in the background.
Around the house...i took yesterday off and cleaned the kitchen. Long over due! Next up, my bathroom.
One of my favorite things... Here’s my new favorite thing: Master has learned how to duplicate the cool finger tip snapping thing that my Chinese massage therapist does. Yummy!
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: trying to get to the gym, hopefully a big snow storm tonight and tomorrow (snow day!) and then, we’re going to see Metallica on Saturday evening. So, I’ll be deaf on Sunday. *grin*

water!

The water saga might be over.... many thousand of dollars later, we have a new copper water pipe and a couple of tons of new top soil.
Here's a picture of the work in progress.

i'm just glad i wasn't home while they were using a jackhammer in the kitchen!

The infertile cresent.

Yeah, ok so i disappeared again. i really don't feel like talking about
this at all, but for some reason i feel like i have to explain myself.
A couple of months back, i thought i was pregnant. Well, i either just
missed a period because i am now fabulously peri-menopausal or i really
was pregnant. So, when i finally got my period....it was devastating.
Because it means: Either i miscarried or i am becoming no longer able
to sustain/create/carry a new life.

So, i've been a big black hole of despair for a while now. i am working
though this in my own way. There's really not a lot of guidance that
anyone can give me on how i should handle my feelings because no one
can tell me how to feel! i just need to grieve in my own way, for my
own reasons, until i am done grieving.



So, my intrepid readers: No, i do not want to talk about this. No pats
on the back, no knowing looks, and for Goddess' sake, please don't tell
me that i'll get over it. Or i'll scream.

SI SU PUEDE!

9/25/08

Ever feel like you're running through molasses? Yeah, that's how i've
been feeling. Frustrated. So, how do i combat this feeling? Waiting for
the new gym to open. i got so excited to make a change and now i'm
dragging my feet. At least i've been able to up the number of days that
i'm going, so that's a step in the right direction.



i both love and hate Master's new hours at work. i love that he's at
the gym when i get there and that He sometimes stays to kick my butt
and make me lift harder. However, that means our evening gets started
later so the dogs are suffering shorter walks (it's getting really dark
here early) and we get less time together. Dinner feels more on the run
and i hate that. i/we need to do some more planning and/or rescheduling
to get our time back at night.



Work has been frustrating. Just not moving with projects that i need to
get done and getting no support to get it done. Today we only had 2
people in the office and it was all i could do to handle the phones!
Never mind digging on to any projects. Oy! i'g going to have to sit
down with my boss and talk about this tomorrow and try to get some
support.



i leave next Friday for my SoulCollage training and i feel so
unprepared! i have about 20 cards made, which i feel good about but i
haven't been doing the exercises that i should be doing to get ready. i
just feel so scattered that it's hard to sit down and do any kind of
deep internal spiritual work. (i think that's just my own resistance
talking but that's a whole other issue!) i did manage to reach out to
someone who is going to the training and she seems pretty intimidated
so i told her when she got scared or nervous or shy, i'd be right there
with her. So, maybe we can connect while we're down there. That would
be loverly for me!



i've also made a list of projects that have been started at home and
not finished, so i've managed to finish 1 skirt, 1 pair of bloomers
(don't even ask!), a dress (wearing it now) and part of a jacket.
Repaired a pair of Master's jeans also. Pshew! Busy.



i guess for someone who feels like they're getting nothing accomplished, i'm actually doing really well.

Internet Anonymity

An interesting article on Internet anonymity and people's bad behavior. i'm sure it's something that we're all guilty of at one time or another. Some of us struggle with it. A lot.

Check it out here.

Today

Make sure to hug your loved ones and tell them what they mean to you. Remember they could be gone in an instant.

Steve: You and your family are in my thoughts today. Your dad was an amazing man. He raised a beautiful son. Be at peace.

9/5/08 the weekend

Well, i think Master had a great birthday weekend. It was really nice
to get to spend that much time with Master Taino and slave bobby. The
presentation that we got to see twice (Masters in service) was great.
It's something that Master Larry and i lived while i was sick and
through the surgeries that i had. i've heard a lot of slaves say that
they find it hard to receive that kind of service from their Masters,
that it's "just not right".


i try to look at it as: when i 'let' Master care for me, i am
serving Him by allowing Him to grow to His full potential as a caring
and nurturing individual. i feel that i need to keep my heart open to
be able to serve in whatever manner that i am called to, and if that
service comes in some unexpected, un-orthodox way that pushes my
comfort level - then so be it. It's a growth opportunity!


Friday night we went to the Leather bar night in Asbury Park. It
was great to see our NJ Family again. Most special to me though was as
we were standing outside the bar, we could hear the roar of the surf
(TS Hanna was rolling in). Master took me down to walk on the beach and
right up to the surf! It was incredible to see the ocean in such a
frenzy. As rough as the ocean was being, there were these tiny shore
birds sifting the sand for food. They were tiny, like mice, but
unafraid to run right up to the edge of the sea and to do what they
needed to do. i think there's some kind of lesson in that. Maybe i need to do some more edge running my self?



Sunday after the meeting we headed over to the Eagle for the NYboL car
wash and to see all my brothers. Fun! It was so good to see Jake and
all the other boys and spiky and his new pup (YUMMY!) and get some more time in with Master Taino and
slave bobby. The Eagle is selling a new line of t-shirts and tank tops
that are really nice. i also wanted to drop off a card to someone but
they weren't around. *sigh* Meh, no big deal, i shouldn't be beating my
self up over this one, anyway.

Still reaching out and building a friendship with some one here in NJ. Amazing person, this one is. *grin* i also found out that i'm going to an amazing concert in January! wheee! i like good people in my life. i'm in a pretty happy place right now. Lucky girl!

Mwah ha ha!

Evil mad scientist laugh!
i pointed out to Master that the front screen of the now defunct t.v. that He was throwing out was actually a giant Fresnel lens. That i would have lots of fun playing with that.

When i came home from getting my hair cut last night, (Yes, i changed it again!) Master had pulled out the lens for me! Heh!

i played this video for Him and i think He's now realizing that letting me have this to play with is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing He's EVER done! *grin* i'm really not planning to use it for evil, there will be no frying of dogs or nor will i wait until Master is asleep then sneak up and light His feet on fire! Really. i promise. What i really want to do is make a solar cooker to use at work. Somehow, the thought of me cooking a pot of spaghetti in the parking lot in front of my job strikes me as a great way to spend my lunch hour. Of course, melting the sidewalk is also an option. (Then there's the fact that playing with the lens requires me to wear a pair of goggles from my ever expanding collection. This enables me to justify that they're not just a fetish, they're actually practical.)(Ok, really, they're just a fetish.) (But they are useful.) (And pretty.)

Science!

FRESNEL LENS 1 SUN COLLECTOR

Mommy dearest

This is a picture of my Mother.... she was young and, i think, happy here. i wish i'd know her when she was happy. i don't know what else to say. She passed on 9/1/1999. A few years ago, i scattered her ashes in NY Harbor as i took the ferry in to Manhattan to spend the day with a special friend. Death and Life. i'm not afraid of either any more.

RIP Del Martin

Thank you for all of your hard work and for never giving up the fight to be free and respected and loving who you chose to love.

It's a good day!

my day started off rough, the ragweed pollen is still kicking my butt. i muddled though some mayhem with my clients, and by the end of my first visit i think i nailed down a huge chunk of new business. The weather was so beautiful, i got to really enjoy my time on the road, had a fantastic $3.79 meal at my favorite new cheap eats place: Pollo Tropical. Yummy. Grilled chicken, rice and beans... can't beat it.

No sooner did i get back in the office, my boss let us out at 4 pm! i got to the gym at the same time as Master, we egged each other on... and some how... i'm not sure how this happened.... i bench pressed 100 lbs... twice! Holy Mo! i super happy about this and, we all know how it goes in this household - if you did the weight one time, it's your new weight. "No Backsies!" as we would shout as kids. i feel good. Really good right now. (ok, maybe a little sore. But good.)

During dinner, i glanced outside and there was a hummingbird doing hummingbird things in the yard. Nice. It's been a good day.

deep breath....

OK, so i thought "well, i'll do an entry once i settle down from the conference." Well, it's been a week and this weekend we're off to teach at the floating world so i figured i'd better get an entry in here quick!

If you, my intrepid readers, have been keeping up on Master Larry's blog, you've seen that He's earned that new job He's been after! i'm so proud of Him. It's so exciting to watch how enthusiastic He is when taking on a new project or responsibility. He also found out that He's getting an office. With a window! *happy dance*

The M/s conference was fabulous. slave catherine and i, along with the Philly crew presented slave lara with a leather patch. i've been saying for a while that it's a shame that slaves don't get recognized by their peers with leather. i mean, just serving our Masters should be enough, right? i partialy agree with that.... but since we're all human - being recognized for our growth and service to the community by others, our peers, is so vital to keep those fires stoked. It was a great experience. Big thanks to catherine to make sure i followed through on this.

slave paul was also able to serve, face to face this weekend. The thing i loved most about that, aside from just getting to spend time with a sweet soul that i just never get any time with, was just how naturally he fit in with Master and i. Sometimes i think it's hard for other people to fit with us, because we have that rhythm of motion that's formed from being together for such a long time. Even walking together can be a challenge. Well, that's mostly due to my clown feet, but still, trying to all be in our positions, doing the "i'll open the door" dance that slaves love to do.... Yeah, things went very smoothly.

Master also offered slave paul some tags of ownership, like i wear, and household crest patches for his shirts. i feel good about this next step in the relationship. i happy and i'm comfortable. Excellent!

On the gym front.. (man, this is going to be an epic post) i can't wait to get started at the new gym. i feel like i've really been dicking around at the gym and in general since i had my splenectomy. The meds i was on while i was at the height of my illness made my tendons shorter, so i lost a lot of flexibility. (is that not one of the weirdest side effects you've ever heard of???) They also *helped* me gain 35 lbs. So.... Um, it's time to get real here - It's been 4 years since the surgery and i stopped taking that medication. The only weight i've lost in that time was when i was under some severe "relationship stress" and had what i'll call a "dietary episode" and stopped eating and so lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks.

Being constantly on the road during the title years certainly didn't help. i ate more fast food in those 2 years than i did in the previous 20. No joke! It used to be that if i had pizza more than twice a year, it was a huge deal. Plus i was a very strict vegetarian for a long time (10 years? 15? who can remember....)

After this weekend, we'll have completed our last official title obligation (for the year). We'll not be on the road constantly. i'll have quite a bit more control over what i can eat, not having to decide between Taco Bell and KFC! Time to get back to cooking my meals for the week on Sunday, which allows me to hit the gym hard after work and know that i have a good dinner ready for me.

Right now is a great time for a fresh start: new gym, less travel, change of seasons - i still get excited around 'back to school time'! (For me, the new school year always meant a chance for all new good possibilities). Plus it'll just be so much fun starting a new gym routine while my friend Joe is just getting started at his new gym. (If only i could get Taybor and LiLu to be a cute and well behaved as Ruby...)

i just need to get through this weekend. *deep breath*

HIP HIP HURRAY!

Details to follow...
Yes, i am keeping y'all in suspense!

8/6/2008

Master gave me 3 blessed days of making as much art as i could stand. my hands are almost back to being a normal colour. Almost. Now i have a ton of mono prints ready to be made in to.... oh, i don't know yet. i'll think of something.

Now that i'm back to getting prepared to leave for the conference, there's no a whole lot of time for art. i managed to squeeze in a few SoulCollage cards this week, which is nice. i've got it worked out that i need to have a small tool kit with me all the time so i can just whip out my scissors and make a card at anytime. i want to get as many done as possible before i go for the SoulCollage Facilitator training in October! Eek!

And here's one more photo i'd like to share from my time away from blogland:


Yeah, i got tired of the long hair. :-) i grew it for a year.

Monday = Massage!

i asked Master if we could make Mondays massage day. How could He possibly say no? i have a massage table, we like touching each other. i feel it will be a good way to start off the week. i'm looking forward to my turn on the table tonight. Master and i worked on each others backs and necks all weekend, we're both feeling pretty sore from pummeling each other in a therapeutic way. But tonight, i think tonight is going to be less therapeutic and more fabulous!