Well, both dogs have learned how to hide pills under their tongues and spit them out. Since they get a total of 6 pills in the a.m. and Lilu gets an additonal squirt of pain killer by mouth... let's just say my mornings have been chaotic.
Taybor's newest game is to either:
A. pull Lilu's bedding thru the bars of her crate and then drag the crate around the room.
or
B. pull Lilu's bedding thru the bars and then pull the stuffing out of it.
Grrrr......
i've learned that you can not lean on furniture that has protective felt feet on the bottom of it if it's on laminate flooring. Whoosh! Maybe i can make some felt covered skiis for in the house and get a workout since i haven't been able to get to the gym for weeks and weeks.....
my back is feeling much better. It's amazing what a little resolving of situations will do for a girl's spine. Or is that her back bone? Hmmm....
i've not set up my altar yet after having to take it down for the flooring. i'm still feeling unsettled about it. i hardly practice my religion. Yet another Equinox flys past with barely any recognition. i feel like a fraud setting it up so it looks oh so pretty but it's devoid of any meaning.
i think what i'm going to do is not put back all my statues and stuff. Just a white candle. While i try to figure out what i am doing and in what direction i'm going. While i am seeking clarity.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
Mercury Retrograde
Well, at least i have some idea what the hell has been going wrong this month. Apparently, Mercury went retrograde on March 2nd! i'm not a big believer in Astrology, but for the past 2 years i've been noticing that stuff does go wrong during that time - mostly things to do with communication, travel and of course, electronics. i am looking forward to it ending at the end of the month!
LiLu is doing great! She's eating well, drinking pretty well (she likes to be bribed with some home made soup stock, and i'm happy to oblige!) She's beginning to object to being crated, which is a great sign but it makes things so hard. We both feel guilty locking her away again. Even if we could gether to sit still on the couch, Taybor would be jumping all over her so it's out of the question. We just have to harden out hearts to her sad face.
i presented Sir with some additions that i'd like to see added to our contract. Nothing crazy, i feel. But protective of the property type clauses. We'll be reviewing later tonihgt, i hope.
LiLu is doing great! She's eating well, drinking pretty well (she likes to be bribed with some home made soup stock, and i'm happy to oblige!) She's beginning to object to being crated, which is a great sign but it makes things so hard. We both feel guilty locking her away again. Even if we could gether to sit still on the couch, Taybor would be jumping all over her so it's out of the question. We just have to harden out hearts to her sad face.
i presented Sir with some additions that i'd like to see added to our contract. Nothing crazy, i feel. But protective of the property type clauses. We'll be reviewing later tonihgt, i hope.
Friday, March 17, 2006
She's HOME!
Our poor baby is home. She's the strongest, bravest dog i've ever met. The vet says she was trying to stand within hours of waking up from the surgery. She's got over 25 staples in each leg, her whole ass is shaved and she's got a morphine patch on her shoulder. So, she's very high and kind of slow. She keeps tipping forward, like the Grinch's dog, Max.
One week of cage confinement, only allowed out to pee and poop. We have to support her with a little sling under her belly, so i rigged up something from an old canvas shopping bag. i wish she could sleep in my bed, but she's got to stay safe in her cage.
Now the fun begins.... physical therapy for puppys? OY!
Always trust yourself and your own feelings, as opposed to argumentations, discussions, or introductions of that sort; if it turns out that you are wrong, then the natural growth of your inner life will eventually guide you to other insights. Allow your judgments their own silent, undisturbed development, which, like all progress, must come from deep within and cannot be forced or hastened.
Everything is gestation and then birthing. To let each impression and each embryo of a feeling come to completion, entirely by itself, in the dark, in the unsayable, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one's own understanding, and with deep humility and patience to wait for the hour when a new clarity is born; this alone is what it means to live as an artist; in understanding as in creating.
—Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters to a Young Poet
Everything is gestation and then birthing. To let each impression and each embryo of a feeling come to completion, entirely by itself, in the dark, in the unsayable, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one's own understanding, and with deep humility and patience to wait for the hour when a new clarity is born; this alone is what it means to live as an artist; in understanding as in creating.
—Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters to a Young Poet
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Operation #2
i dropped Lilu off at the vet this morning. Awaiting a call from the surgeon....nibbling my nails and worrying......
i am just about ready to just plop my credit card down at a travel agent, any travel agent and book a flight to anywhere.....anywhere there are no dogs and no people who know my name. i could sell beer on some beach on some island. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.
i am just about ready to just plop my credit card down at a travel agent, any travel agent and book a flight to anywhere.....anywhere there are no dogs and no people who know my name. i could sell beer on some beach on some island. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.
WORDS
i've been doing a bit of internal work on myself and focusing on different words that people throw around a lot in M/s. One of them being transparency, however - most of the definitions i found on that word referred to “acetate”. Not exactly helpful. :-)
i particularly enjoyed the reference to the word "frank". It seems to me that that perhaps in my life, i am not frank enough. There's such a fine balance between being respectful and submissive and making sure that you are being heard and understood. Then there’s the old dilemma of “well, maybe i was heard but since i’m the slave, all i can do is present my feelings – i can not make demands that they be acted upon. ” So, Faithful Readers, how do you know when to stop addressing an issue?
Questions, questions……
For your reading pleasure, here are the definitions of Transparent and Frank.
Pronunciation: -&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin transparent-, transparens, present participle of transparEre to show through, from Latin trans- + parEre to show oneself
1 a (1) : having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly : PELLUCID (2) : allowing the passage of a specified form of radiation (as X rays or ultraviolet light) b : fine or sheer enough to be seen through : DIAPHANOUS
2 a : free from pretense or deceit : FRANK b : easily detected or seen through : OBVIOUS c : readily understood
synonym see CLEAR
- trans·par·ent·ly adverb
- trans·par·ent·ness noun
Pronunciation: 'fra[ng]k
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, free, from Old French franc, from Medieval Latin francus, from Late Latin Francus Frank
1 : marked by free, forthright, and sincere expression frank reply>
2 a : unmistakably evident <frank materialism> b : clinically evident and unmistakable <frank pus>
- frank·ness noun
synonyms FRANK, CANDID, OPEN, PLAIN mean showing willingness to tell what one feels or thinks. FRANK stresses lack of shyness or secretiveness or of evasiveness from considerations of tact or expedience <frank discussions>. CANDID suggests expression marked by sincerity and honesty especially in offering unwelcome criticism or opinion candid appraisal>. OPEN implies frankness but suggests more indiscretion than FRANK and less earnestness than CANDID <open in saying what they think>. PLAIN suggests outspokenness and freedom from affectation or subtlety in expression <plain talk>.
i particularly enjoyed the reference to the word "frank". It seems to me that that perhaps in my life, i am not frank enough. There's such a fine balance between being respectful and submissive and making sure that you are being heard and understood. Then there’s the old dilemma of “well, maybe i was heard but since i’m the slave, all i can do is present my feelings – i can not make demands that they be acted upon. ” So, Faithful Readers, how do you know when to stop addressing an issue?
Questions, questions……
For your reading pleasure, here are the definitions of Transparent and Frank.
transparent
One entry found for transparent. Main Entry: trans·par·entPronunciation: -&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin transparent-, transparens, present participle of transparEre to show through, from Latin trans- + parEre to show oneself
1 a (1) : having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly : PELLUCID (2) : allowing the passage of a specified form of radiation (as X rays or ultraviolet light) b : fine or sheer enough to be seen through : DIAPHANOUS
2 a : free from pretense or deceit : FRANK b : easily detected or seen through : OBVIOUS c : readily understood
synonym see CLEAR
- trans·par·ent·ly adverb
- trans·par·ent·ness noun
frank
Main Entry: 1frankPronunciation: 'fra[ng]k
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, free, from Old French franc, from Medieval Latin francus, from Late Latin Francus Frank
1 : marked by free, forthright, and sincere expression frank reply>
2 a : unmistakably evident <frank materialism> b : clinically evident and unmistakable <frank pus>
- frank·ness noun
synonyms FRANK, CANDID, OPEN, PLAIN mean showing willingness to tell what one feels or thinks. FRANK stresses lack of shyness or secretiveness or of evasiveness from considerations of tact or expedience <frank discussions>. CANDID suggests expression marked by sincerity and honesty especially in offering unwelcome criticism or opinion candid appraisal>. OPEN implies frankness but suggests more indiscretion than FRANK and less earnestness than CANDID <open in saying what they think>. PLAIN suggests outspokenness and freedom from affectation or subtlety in expression <plain talk>.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Operation #1
Taybor is back from being neutered. i can't help but feel a bit sad for him! He's not a happy camper right now. He's very..shall we say "slow".
There was some confusion over the cost of the surgery - he qualified for the $20.00 state sponsored neutering. They told me his bill would be almost $400.00 bux! What!? But we got that squared away.
And an FYI - Sir's computer took a bit dump today, so i don't know if He'll get it back today and be able to post. He might be incognito for a few days so, loyal readers - be patient!
There was some confusion over the cost of the surgery - he qualified for the $20.00 state sponsored neutering. They told me his bill would be almost $400.00 bux! What!? But we got that squared away.
And an FYI - Sir's computer took a bit dump today, so i don't know if He'll get it back today and be able to post. He might be incognito for a few days so, loyal readers - be patient!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
The merry ol' month of March
When i was a freshman in High School i had an extremely traumatic series of events during the month of March. Things that left me with two black eyes, a bruised trachea, an assortment of broken ribs. Things that lead me to leave home and begin legal prosectution against my family - which eventually lead me to being an 'emancipated minor' living in my own apartment by the time i was 15, my baby brother and sister living in foster care.
March is still a shaky, painful time for me. Some years, it's better than others. 3 years ago in March, i was able to get in touch with Someone who helped save my life back then. (Although, some people would say He was the indirect cause of what happened, i know that isn't true. He did no violence, He caused no violence. my blood was on someone else's hands!) i found out He was happy, married, has lovely children - what a relief to know that! Between He and Sir sticking with me through all the family court bullshit and the trial, i came out a better, stronger person.
This year, it's hard. It's the hardest it's been for me in years. i keep reliving that beating over and over. While it was going on, i had to throw myself down a flight of stairs to get my mother to release her strangle hold on my throat. i keep seeing in my mind... her face right in front of mine, contorted with hatred, the bannister flying past our faces, the floor coming up fast beneath us....
There's just been no time for me to process all this raw emotion. There's so much going on right now, between Lilu's surgery and work and writing presentations and everything else going on... i just want to yell STOP! i feel like a woman in the middle of labor, who is so hurt and scared and exhausted, feeling like they just need to stop for 5 minutes to catch their breath. And they can't.
i can't.
So for now, i leave all my faithful readers to join me in blessing the three people who helped me make it out alive.
Jill Elijah, my lawyer. She is a beautiful strong woman and a LIONESS when it came to protecting me. Look where she is now! Damn, She is that good!
Jack B. my first love, who taught me it was ok and even necessary to let go.
And Sir, without whom i doubt i'd be here anymore.
All the pain that was inflicted on me made me who i am today. i am a damn lucky woman.
March is still a shaky, painful time for me. Some years, it's better than others. 3 years ago in March, i was able to get in touch with Someone who helped save my life back then. (Although, some people would say He was the indirect cause of what happened, i know that isn't true. He did no violence, He caused no violence. my blood was on someone else's hands!) i found out He was happy, married, has lovely children - what a relief to know that! Between He and Sir sticking with me through all the family court bullshit and the trial, i came out a better, stronger person.
This year, it's hard. It's the hardest it's been for me in years. i keep reliving that beating over and over. While it was going on, i had to throw myself down a flight of stairs to get my mother to release her strangle hold on my throat. i keep seeing in my mind... her face right in front of mine, contorted with hatred, the bannister flying past our faces, the floor coming up fast beneath us....
There's just been no time for me to process all this raw emotion. There's so much going on right now, between Lilu's surgery and work and writing presentations and everything else going on... i just want to yell STOP! i feel like a woman in the middle of labor, who is so hurt and scared and exhausted, feeling like they just need to stop for 5 minutes to catch their breath. And they can't.
i can't.
So for now, i leave all my faithful readers to join me in blessing the three people who helped me make it out alive.
Jill Elijah, my lawyer. She is a beautiful strong woman and a LIONESS when it came to protecting me. Look where she is now! Damn, She is that good!
Jack B. my first love, who taught me it was ok and even necessary to let go.
And Sir, without whom i doubt i'd be here anymore.
All the pain that was inflicted on me made me who i am today. i am a damn lucky woman.
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