9/25/08

Ever feel like you're running through molasses? Yeah, that's how i've
been feeling. Frustrated. So, how do i combat this feeling? Waiting for
the new gym to open. i got so excited to make a change and now i'm
dragging my feet. At least i've been able to up the number of days that
i'm going, so that's a step in the right direction.



i both love and hate Master's new hours at work. i love that he's at
the gym when i get there and that He sometimes stays to kick my butt
and make me lift harder. However, that means our evening gets started
later so the dogs are suffering shorter walks (it's getting really dark
here early) and we get less time together. Dinner feels more on the run
and i hate that. i/we need to do some more planning and/or rescheduling
to get our time back at night.



Work has been frustrating. Just not moving with projects that i need to
get done and getting no support to get it done. Today we only had 2
people in the office and it was all i could do to handle the phones!
Never mind digging on to any projects. Oy! i'g going to have to sit
down with my boss and talk about this tomorrow and try to get some
support.



i leave next Friday for my SoulCollage training and i feel so
unprepared! i have about 20 cards made, which i feel good about but i
haven't been doing the exercises that i should be doing to get ready. i
just feel so scattered that it's hard to sit down and do any kind of
deep internal spiritual work. (i think that's just my own resistance
talking but that's a whole other issue!) i did manage to reach out to
someone who is going to the training and she seems pretty intimidated
so i told her when she got scared or nervous or shy, i'd be right there
with her. So, maybe we can connect while we're down there. That would
be loverly for me!



i've also made a list of projects that have been started at home and
not finished, so i've managed to finish 1 skirt, 1 pair of bloomers
(don't even ask!), a dress (wearing it now) and part of a jacket.
Repaired a pair of Master's jeans also. Pshew! Busy.



i guess for someone who feels like they're getting nothing accomplished, i'm actually doing really well.

Internet Anonymity

An interesting article on Internet anonymity and people's bad behavior. i'm sure it's something that we're all guilty of at one time or another. Some of us struggle with it. A lot.

Check it out here.

Today

Make sure to hug your loved ones and tell them what they mean to you. Remember they could be gone in an instant.

Steve: You and your family are in my thoughts today. Your dad was an amazing man. He raised a beautiful son. Be at peace.

9/5/08 the weekend

Well, i think Master had a great birthday weekend. It was really nice
to get to spend that much time with Master Taino and slave bobby. The
presentation that we got to see twice (Masters in service) was great.
It's something that Master Larry and i lived while i was sick and
through the surgeries that i had. i've heard a lot of slaves say that
they find it hard to receive that kind of service from their Masters,
that it's "just not right".


i try to look at it as: when i 'let' Master care for me, i am
serving Him by allowing Him to grow to His full potential as a caring
and nurturing individual. i feel that i need to keep my heart open to
be able to serve in whatever manner that i am called to, and if that
service comes in some unexpected, un-orthodox way that pushes my
comfort level - then so be it. It's a growth opportunity!


Friday night we went to the Leather bar night in Asbury Park. It
was great to see our NJ Family again. Most special to me though was as
we were standing outside the bar, we could hear the roar of the surf
(TS Hanna was rolling in). Master took me down to walk on the beach and
right up to the surf! It was incredible to see the ocean in such a
frenzy. As rough as the ocean was being, there were these tiny shore
birds sifting the sand for food. They were tiny, like mice, but
unafraid to run right up to the edge of the sea and to do what they
needed to do. i think there's some kind of lesson in that. Maybe i need to do some more edge running my self?



Sunday after the meeting we headed over to the Eagle for the NYboL car
wash and to see all my brothers. Fun! It was so good to see Jake and
all the other boys and spiky and his new pup (YUMMY!) and get some more time in with Master Taino and
slave bobby. The Eagle is selling a new line of t-shirts and tank tops
that are really nice. i also wanted to drop off a card to someone but
they weren't around. *sigh* Meh, no big deal, i shouldn't be beating my
self up over this one, anyway.

Still reaching out and building a friendship with some one here in NJ. Amazing person, this one is. *grin* i also found out that i'm going to an amazing concert in January! wheee! i like good people in my life. i'm in a pretty happy place right now. Lucky girl!

Mwah ha ha!

Evil mad scientist laugh!
i pointed out to Master that the front screen of the now defunct t.v. that He was throwing out was actually a giant Fresnel lens. That i would have lots of fun playing with that.

When i came home from getting my hair cut last night, (Yes, i changed it again!) Master had pulled out the lens for me! Heh!

i played this video for Him and i think He's now realizing that letting me have this to play with is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing He's EVER done! *grin* i'm really not planning to use it for evil, there will be no frying of dogs or nor will i wait until Master is asleep then sneak up and light His feet on fire! Really. i promise. What i really want to do is make a solar cooker to use at work. Somehow, the thought of me cooking a pot of spaghetti in the parking lot in front of my job strikes me as a great way to spend my lunch hour. Of course, melting the sidewalk is also an option. (Then there's the fact that playing with the lens requires me to wear a pair of goggles from my ever expanding collection. This enables me to justify that they're not just a fetish, they're actually practical.)(Ok, really, they're just a fetish.) (But they are useful.) (And pretty.)

Science!

FRESNEL LENS 1 SUN COLLECTOR

Mommy dearest

This is a picture of my Mother.... she was young and, i think, happy here. i wish i'd know her when she was happy. i don't know what else to say. She passed on 9/1/1999. A few years ago, i scattered her ashes in NY Harbor as i took the ferry in to Manhattan to spend the day with a special friend. Death and Life. i'm not afraid of either any more.