water!

The water saga might be over.... many thousand of dollars later, we have a new copper water pipe and a couple of tons of new top soil.
Here's a picture of the work in progress.

i'm just glad i wasn't home while they were using a jackhammer in the kitchen!

The infertile cresent.

Yeah, ok so i disappeared again. i really don't feel like talking about
this at all, but for some reason i feel like i have to explain myself.
A couple of months back, i thought i was pregnant. Well, i either just
missed a period because i am now fabulously peri-menopausal or i really
was pregnant. So, when i finally got my period....it was devastating.
Because it means: Either i miscarried or i am becoming no longer able
to sustain/create/carry a new life.

So, i've been a big black hole of despair for a while now. i am working
though this in my own way. There's really not a lot of guidance that
anyone can give me on how i should handle my feelings because no one
can tell me how to feel! i just need to grieve in my own way, for my
own reasons, until i am done grieving.



So, my intrepid readers: No, i do not want to talk about this. No pats
on the back, no knowing looks, and for Goddess' sake, please don't tell
me that i'll get over it. Or i'll scream.

SI SU PUEDE!

9/25/08

Ever feel like you're running through molasses? Yeah, that's how i've
been feeling. Frustrated. So, how do i combat this feeling? Waiting for
the new gym to open. i got so excited to make a change and now i'm
dragging my feet. At least i've been able to up the number of days that
i'm going, so that's a step in the right direction.



i both love and hate Master's new hours at work. i love that he's at
the gym when i get there and that He sometimes stays to kick my butt
and make me lift harder. However, that means our evening gets started
later so the dogs are suffering shorter walks (it's getting really dark
here early) and we get less time together. Dinner feels more on the run
and i hate that. i/we need to do some more planning and/or rescheduling
to get our time back at night.



Work has been frustrating. Just not moving with projects that i need to
get done and getting no support to get it done. Today we only had 2
people in the office and it was all i could do to handle the phones!
Never mind digging on to any projects. Oy! i'g going to have to sit
down with my boss and talk about this tomorrow and try to get some
support.



i leave next Friday for my SoulCollage training and i feel so
unprepared! i have about 20 cards made, which i feel good about but i
haven't been doing the exercises that i should be doing to get ready. i
just feel so scattered that it's hard to sit down and do any kind of
deep internal spiritual work. (i think that's just my own resistance
talking but that's a whole other issue!) i did manage to reach out to
someone who is going to the training and she seems pretty intimidated
so i told her when she got scared or nervous or shy, i'd be right there
with her. So, maybe we can connect while we're down there. That would
be loverly for me!



i've also made a list of projects that have been started at home and
not finished, so i've managed to finish 1 skirt, 1 pair of bloomers
(don't even ask!), a dress (wearing it now) and part of a jacket.
Repaired a pair of Master's jeans also. Pshew! Busy.



i guess for someone who feels like they're getting nothing accomplished, i'm actually doing really well.

Internet Anonymity

An interesting article on Internet anonymity and people's bad behavior. i'm sure it's something that we're all guilty of at one time or another. Some of us struggle with it. A lot.

Check it out here.

Today

Make sure to hug your loved ones and tell them what they mean to you. Remember they could be gone in an instant.

Steve: You and your family are in my thoughts today. Your dad was an amazing man. He raised a beautiful son. Be at peace.

9/5/08 the weekend

Well, i think Master had a great birthday weekend. It was really nice
to get to spend that much time with Master Taino and slave bobby. The
presentation that we got to see twice (Masters in service) was great.
It's something that Master Larry and i lived while i was sick and
through the surgeries that i had. i've heard a lot of slaves say that
they find it hard to receive that kind of service from their Masters,
that it's "just not right".


i try to look at it as: when i 'let' Master care for me, i am
serving Him by allowing Him to grow to His full potential as a caring
and nurturing individual. i feel that i need to keep my heart open to
be able to serve in whatever manner that i am called to, and if that
service comes in some unexpected, un-orthodox way that pushes my
comfort level - then so be it. It's a growth opportunity!


Friday night we went to the Leather bar night in Asbury Park. It
was great to see our NJ Family again. Most special to me though was as
we were standing outside the bar, we could hear the roar of the surf
(TS Hanna was rolling in). Master took me down to walk on the beach and
right up to the surf! It was incredible to see the ocean in such a
frenzy. As rough as the ocean was being, there were these tiny shore
birds sifting the sand for food. They were tiny, like mice, but
unafraid to run right up to the edge of the sea and to do what they
needed to do. i think there's some kind of lesson in that. Maybe i need to do some more edge running my self?



Sunday after the meeting we headed over to the Eagle for the NYboL car
wash and to see all my brothers. Fun! It was so good to see Jake and
all the other boys and spiky and his new pup (YUMMY!) and get some more time in with Master Taino and
slave bobby. The Eagle is selling a new line of t-shirts and tank tops
that are really nice. i also wanted to drop off a card to someone but
they weren't around. *sigh* Meh, no big deal, i shouldn't be beating my
self up over this one, anyway.

Still reaching out and building a friendship with some one here in NJ. Amazing person, this one is. *grin* i also found out that i'm going to an amazing concert in January! wheee! i like good people in my life. i'm in a pretty happy place right now. Lucky girl!

Mwah ha ha!

Evil mad scientist laugh!
i pointed out to Master that the front screen of the now defunct t.v. that He was throwing out was actually a giant Fresnel lens. That i would have lots of fun playing with that.

When i came home from getting my hair cut last night, (Yes, i changed it again!) Master had pulled out the lens for me! Heh!

i played this video for Him and i think He's now realizing that letting me have this to play with is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing He's EVER done! *grin* i'm really not planning to use it for evil, there will be no frying of dogs or nor will i wait until Master is asleep then sneak up and light His feet on fire! Really. i promise. What i really want to do is make a solar cooker to use at work. Somehow, the thought of me cooking a pot of spaghetti in the parking lot in front of my job strikes me as a great way to spend my lunch hour. Of course, melting the sidewalk is also an option. (Then there's the fact that playing with the lens requires me to wear a pair of goggles from my ever expanding collection. This enables me to justify that they're not just a fetish, they're actually practical.)(Ok, really, they're just a fetish.) (But they are useful.) (And pretty.)

Science!

FRESNEL LENS 1 SUN COLLECTOR

Mommy dearest

This is a picture of my Mother.... she was young and, i think, happy here. i wish i'd know her when she was happy. i don't know what else to say. She passed on 9/1/1999. A few years ago, i scattered her ashes in NY Harbor as i took the ferry in to Manhattan to spend the day with a special friend. Death and Life. i'm not afraid of either any more.

RIP Del Martin

Thank you for all of your hard work and for never giving up the fight to be free and respected and loving who you chose to love.

It's a good day!

my day started off rough, the ragweed pollen is still kicking my butt. i muddled though some mayhem with my clients, and by the end of my first visit i think i nailed down a huge chunk of new business. The weather was so beautiful, i got to really enjoy my time on the road, had a fantastic $3.79 meal at my favorite new cheap eats place: Pollo Tropical. Yummy. Grilled chicken, rice and beans... can't beat it.

No sooner did i get back in the office, my boss let us out at 4 pm! i got to the gym at the same time as Master, we egged each other on... and some how... i'm not sure how this happened.... i bench pressed 100 lbs... twice! Holy Mo! i super happy about this and, we all know how it goes in this household - if you did the weight one time, it's your new weight. "No Backsies!" as we would shout as kids. i feel good. Really good right now. (ok, maybe a little sore. But good.)

During dinner, i glanced outside and there was a hummingbird doing hummingbird things in the yard. Nice. It's been a good day.

deep breath....

OK, so i thought "well, i'll do an entry once i settle down from the conference." Well, it's been a week and this weekend we're off to teach at the floating world so i figured i'd better get an entry in here quick!

If you, my intrepid readers, have been keeping up on Master Larry's blog, you've seen that He's earned that new job He's been after! i'm so proud of Him. It's so exciting to watch how enthusiastic He is when taking on a new project or responsibility. He also found out that He's getting an office. With a window! *happy dance*

The M/s conference was fabulous. slave catherine and i, along with the Philly crew presented slave lara with a leather patch. i've been saying for a while that it's a shame that slaves don't get recognized by their peers with leather. i mean, just serving our Masters should be enough, right? i partialy agree with that.... but since we're all human - being recognized for our growth and service to the community by others, our peers, is so vital to keep those fires stoked. It was a great experience. Big thanks to catherine to make sure i followed through on this.

slave paul was also able to serve, face to face this weekend. The thing i loved most about that, aside from just getting to spend time with a sweet soul that i just never get any time with, was just how naturally he fit in with Master and i. Sometimes i think it's hard for other people to fit with us, because we have that rhythm of motion that's formed from being together for such a long time. Even walking together can be a challenge. Well, that's mostly due to my clown feet, but still, trying to all be in our positions, doing the "i'll open the door" dance that slaves love to do.... Yeah, things went very smoothly.

Master also offered slave paul some tags of ownership, like i wear, and household crest patches for his shirts. i feel good about this next step in the relationship. i happy and i'm comfortable. Excellent!

On the gym front.. (man, this is going to be an epic post) i can't wait to get started at the new gym. i feel like i've really been dicking around at the gym and in general since i had my splenectomy. The meds i was on while i was at the height of my illness made my tendons shorter, so i lost a lot of flexibility. (is that not one of the weirdest side effects you've ever heard of???) They also *helped* me gain 35 lbs. So.... Um, it's time to get real here - It's been 4 years since the surgery and i stopped taking that medication. The only weight i've lost in that time was when i was under some severe "relationship stress" and had what i'll call a "dietary episode" and stopped eating and so lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks.

Being constantly on the road during the title years certainly didn't help. i ate more fast food in those 2 years than i did in the previous 20. No joke! It used to be that if i had pizza more than twice a year, it was a huge deal. Plus i was a very strict vegetarian for a long time (10 years? 15? who can remember....)

After this weekend, we'll have completed our last official title obligation (for the year). We'll not be on the road constantly. i'll have quite a bit more control over what i can eat, not having to decide between Taco Bell and KFC! Time to get back to cooking my meals for the week on Sunday, which allows me to hit the gym hard after work and know that i have a good dinner ready for me.

Right now is a great time for a fresh start: new gym, less travel, change of seasons - i still get excited around 'back to school time'! (For me, the new school year always meant a chance for all new good possibilities). Plus it'll just be so much fun starting a new gym routine while my friend Joe is just getting started at his new gym. (If only i could get Taybor and LiLu to be a cute and well behaved as Ruby...)

i just need to get through this weekend. *deep breath*

HIP HIP HURRAY!

Details to follow...
Yes, i am keeping y'all in suspense!

8/6/2008

Master gave me 3 blessed days of making as much art as i could stand. my hands are almost back to being a normal colour. Almost. Now i have a ton of mono prints ready to be made in to.... oh, i don't know yet. i'll think of something.

Now that i'm back to getting prepared to leave for the conference, there's no a whole lot of time for art. i managed to squeeze in a few SoulCollage cards this week, which is nice. i've got it worked out that i need to have a small tool kit with me all the time so i can just whip out my scissors and make a card at anytime. i want to get as many done as possible before i go for the SoulCollage Facilitator training in October! Eek!

And here's one more photo i'd like to share from my time away from blogland:


Yeah, i got tired of the long hair. :-) i grew it for a year.

Monday = Massage!

i asked Master if we could make Mondays massage day. How could He possibly say no? i have a massage table, we like touching each other. i feel it will be a good way to start off the week. i'm looking forward to my turn on the table tonight. Master and i worked on each others backs and necks all weekend, we're both feeling pretty sore from pummeling each other in a therapeutic way. But tonight, i think tonight is going to be less therapeutic and more fabulous!

Blargh! (or: in which i determine my lunch bag is vomit proof!)

Yeah... ok. So Friday should have been excellent. No boss = me in charge = we leave as soon as we've finished work for the day. Which during the summer is early. Unfortunately, i woke up with a little headache, which turned in to a migraine (but i don't get migraines!). By the time i left work, i was practically delirious. i had to stop twice to spill my guts. The second time, i was less than 2 miles from home. As i'm puking my guts out in to my lunch bag on the side of the road - Master drives by. Singing, drumming on His steering wheel. i weakly wave "hey!" He keeps on going...... He didn't see me! Arrgh! or was that blargh? Sigh.

Work stuff

i've been so swamped with work issues, trying to keep that pharmaceutical part of our business going. Big responsibility for me to handle. i both love and hate it. Love the challenge, hate the blasted work load. Anyway, today i had to look up some new items for a different client. i found this and almost pee'd myself. Yes, i need a nap people! Really!


Is it dangerous to trespass here because there are GIANTS?!!!

Glad Tidings!

Whoo Hooo!
i got a call from my Endocrinologist a little while ago - my biopsy is NEGATIVE! Wheeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other words, my nodules are the "normal" nodules that a person with Hashimoto's thyroiditis. So, yeah, i have an autoimmune disease that's affecting my thyroid but i've know that all along. (most people who have ITP also have some other autoimmune disease)

Thanks to all who've been checking up on Master and i in the past week! i'm now positive that all those good thoughts and prayers had an effect! *grin*

The Biopsy

OK, so i've been home all day now.... Biopsy went really well. i guess. Ummm - really, i think they should have warned me they were going to light an elephant on fire and cram it through me neck and leave bits of it behind to feel annoying all day. OK, not really a flaming elephant, i'm sure they used standard medical syringes but it sure feels like they used elephants or at least a sword on me.

Oh, the other thing they neglected to say was that they weren't just jabbing me one time. Twice? Nope. Surely, no more than 3 times, right? HA! Four times! The good part was they have a pathologist on hand to make sure the samples are large enough, so i don't get a call in a few days that they need another go around.

Lidocaine is administered to numb out the skin. That however does NOTHING to aleviate the feeling that some one is digging around inside your throat. While pressing down with the ultrasound wand at the same time. Ick.

i feel hoarse. Talking hurts. Swallowing hurts. Sneezing? Let's not go there. So, i stayed home and fiddled with making a steampunk ipod speaker thingy. Nothing like taking your mind off your throat/neck pain by using power tools and really cool sculpture epoxy. Between that and taking a few naps on the couch with the canine dynaic duo and letting ice cream melt in my mouth and slowly trickle down my throat, i've had a very productive day. (the ice cream thing sounds like it might be hot to watch. It's not. Or at least, not hot right now.) Sigh.

Now we play the waiting game until next week. In the mean time - It's almost time for TES Fest! :-) i hope i feel perkier soon.

the nodule

OK, so it's biopsy eve! Whoo hooo! Um, yeah..... Tomorrow is, believe it or not, the 6th anniversary of my first hospitalization, when i was diagnosed with ITP.

i seem to have an affinity for having health issues diagnosed on long 4th of July weekends.

To say i'm *totally* unconcerned would be a lie. However, i'm not scared. Really, i'm not. i'm actually more worried that i won't be able to lay there, flat on my back for a half an hour while there's a needle jabbing around in my neck. Yes, really - a half an hour.

i'm making Master bring a lollipop for me to have afterwards and also some Hello Kitty! band-aids to put on my neck. (because the stinky bandages they will give me at the Dr's office will do *nothing* to relieve discomfort. Where as, Hello Kitty! will.)

Thanks to everyone for reaching out to Master and i and sending good thoughts my way. Updates will follow as soon as we know anything.

For your viewing pleasure, a picture of my nodule! (so intimate....)

Leather Pride Weekend

Ahh, Leather Pride weekend.... where do i even start? The week was
really awful. i felt like crap (fighting a cold, maybe?) my broken toe
sucks major butt, Master was a terrible monster all week (which He
admits, so i am not speaking out of turn!) and there are some annoying
work issues going on. So, overall, i would have rather spent the
weekend in bed, feeling sorry for my self.


Hiding in bed was not an option, so i put on my game face and
ventured out with Master. i got permission to wear the fantastic
uniform that i was gifted in Dallas. It was a huge hit and i think i
pulled it off well - sweaty but well. (After all, it's June, the Jacket
is heavy and i'm going thru a cycle of hot flashes. Sweaty gal!) i got
to spend some time re-connecting with 2 gentlemen who i would like to
spend more time with. One i've played with before and need to again.
The other i've never played with but the flirting is hot and heavy - i
think he'd be loverly to spend some time with. As the schedule is
lightening up and travel is more local, i think i'll be making some
plans with them.


So, then we head out after LPN to another location and i got to see
the person who just absolutely gets my panties in a twist. Yeah, that
person. Master was so with me and backing me up to stick to my guns and
i held fast, not turning in to a gibbering idiot. It was delicious to
watch them spot me in the crowd, stand stock still and then run away -
only to circle around a few more times trying to figure out how to
approach me. It ended up being a sneak attack, fingers caressing the
back of my neck, ruffling my hair from behind. (smart person, this one
- i once let them in on that being a weakness of mine when they did it
and it was used against me!) Yeah, so.... i stood up straight and
accepted whatever stammered apologies came my way. Later, when Master
and left, i made sure to say good night and return the favor of a
caress in the dark. However, when all was said and done... very
unsatisfying. It was delightfully interesting using the beautiful uniform
as a weapon, a torture device with someone who clearly has a fetish for
that kind of thing. *grin* But better than that was the time spent with
my friends and Master, smoking cigars in the clear night air, enjoying
the Solstice with my loved ones. Knowing that my brothers were keeping
an eye on me.


Sunday... well, Sunday was again spent with my loved ones but also
in the *brief* company of That One. Ugh, you know, it's amazing how
some one can have the body of an adult and still have the mind of an
adolescent. i'm lucky though to have a Master who desires my company
and after this weekend, enough offers for play, play dates, and just
plain old loverly dates that i'm not too hurt. Well, no... that's not
true. i *am* hurt. (scuffs her toe on the ground) Why is sex & relationships so
freakin' complicated? Why don't they teach this stuff in school?


Overall review of the weekend: i got to spend time with JC &
Sinn from Nekked building a friendship, i got to *finally* spend a
little more time with Double Dragon Dave (grin) and Ray, both of whom i
like a lot but don't get to talk to as often as i'd like. i got to
pretend to meet Terrance for the first time at least 55 times, i got to
meet a fantastic man from Idaho, i stayed connected to Atlanta, i met a
wonderful slave now living in DC, i had a random beautiful stranger
tell me that our website is great and has made a difference in his life
(what!), and one poopie experience with a dork. So, my weekend was
wonderful. Capped off by a rainbow over the street fair. i am blessed!

Atlanta, my toe and a wallet

i had a blast in Atlanta. So much fun getting to know Sir Nick & slave kathleen. i usually take a while to warm up to people and start talking sassy but for some reason, i just took to these guys like a Fred to a countertop. (ok, duck to water for those of you not in the know!)

Came home, promptly had Taybor break my toe for me. (usually he drops his empty food bowl on my foot. This time he brought me his food scoop which i decided would be good to wear as a shoe so i could skate across the floor and crash in to the wall. Yeah... nice)

Then some scumbag stole Master's wallet from His gym locker yesterday. (along with 6 other wallets from other people!) Like all that isn't bad enough, they also got his free oil change card from our car dealership. Son's of bees! Angry isn't even to word for it. i've rarely felt so useless as i did last night. There wasn't any comfort i could give (or that was wanted) so i just hid out in my studio, feeling like crap. Funny, although Master wasn't raving or being mean, the dogs stayed away from Him too. They pick up that anger vibe, i guess.

It looks like all will turn out well. Credit cards canceled in time, no damage done to the bank accounts... Drivers license replaced quickly today and Master called the car dealer with His tale of woe and they came though for Him and will still do the oil change for free! Go Saturn!

Tonight we're going out with some new friends to talk about music and give them any tips we have towards getting them a recording contract/better tours/success/fame/money/glory.... i look forward to getting to know them better.

Leather Pride Night tomorrow, Folsom East on Sunday....i should be happier about those things but i really just want to stay home with a pillow over my head. Maybe if i get some quality time with some of my beloved Peeps i'll feel happier. i hope....

Oh, yeah... Happy Solstice!

Weird gay news?

OK, so i saw this on our local NBC affiliate website.
Here's a screen shot of the website with the thing that bothered me:

















i was pretty horrified by this story being classified under "weird news". So i wrote brief email of complaint. As you can see, although there's an admission of an error being made, there's really not an apology. Feel free, intrepid readers, to email Mr Scott himself.

Here's what i wrote:
Hello:

I'd love an explanation as to why Gay Marriage in California was listed under "weird news"... Is this in the same category as a free-roaming alligator terrorizing the neighborhood? Or lucky dog in a trash compactor? I don't think so and I for one find it offensive. There's nothing "weird" about it. Shame on you!

Here's his response:

Thanks for the email! That was an accidental mistake on my part.
Jim Scott
Senior Editor, WNBC.com

And here's his email address: James.Scott@nbcuni.com

time flies...

Oy... where *does* the time go? How did it get to be the middle of June already? i feel like i've been moving in fits and starts, getting nothing accomplished. If it wasn't for my "to-do-list" that Master gives me, with all the things that i *must* get done, i swear i got nothing done. But since i have to cross off each task as i go along, i know i'm getting things done. After all, we've gotten another class written so i must be doing something, right?
i've been spending some time contemplating whether or not my new thyroid meds are doing anything for me. i was on Levoxyl for years, never felt a change, still tired and crappy all the time. With the Synthroid... well, the weirdest thing i've noticed is i think my vision is clearer. What? Yeah, weird i know. Other than a few very minor heart palpations the first few days (and probably only because the dr. said i'd have them!) i've had no negative reactions. But i still don't feel all that different. Maybe i expect too much, but i'd like to not feel so darn tired all the time. Maybe everyone is exhausted all the time and never mentions it.Either way, i'm only on half the dose i should be until i get another check up... which is *after* the biopsy.

Tonight, finish packing. Tomorrow, Atlanta for SELF. Getting to spend some time with some Quality Peoples! Hurray! :-) and perhaps some good Jamaican food at Miss Julies (sweet tea in the South!) and brunch at Sweet Melissa's! For some reason the trip to Atlanta revolves around food. i love the location of this event, everything is easy walking distance (and by everything i mean good restaurants!) so there's not this tummult of trying to find someone who's rented a car so we can drive to the super walmart so i can buy cheese and eat in the room! Ack!

Post trip, i'm looking forward to getting some art time in so i can practice what i learned at Art & Soul. We also have a dinner date planned with some new friends (ahh, musicians! Feed my music starved mind!) and i'm going to invite my self over to another new friends house to see his new puppy. (you hear that? yeah, i'm comming over!) *grin*

Pardon me? Is that a nodule i see?

yup, i got myself a fantastical 1.5 cm nodule on my thyroid. i had been stalling on my yearly thyroid check because i HATE getting blood tests since i had my Port-a-Cath removed after i went in to remission from ITP. i finally buckled down, got the blood drawn, went for the ultrasound and followed up with my new doc. i actually like this guy, he takes a lot of time to explain everything throughly and is hilarious when he says "ok, so when i do the biopsy, i need you to not be wearing your....*insert long pause while he looks a the ceiling*...ummm, collar? Necklace?"

So, July 2nd, i get to go have a needle stuck in my neck. Fun! :-) i'm actually not worried about it. i've had the nodule for a while (since 2002) but "they" think it's a bit bigger - which is not necessarily something to worry about. Of course, right now all i can feel is my neck! i can feel the lump! i can! NO, really, i can not. Not at all. Ridiculous and amazing what acrobatics the mind is capable of, no?

i'm tired and i wanna go home!

Last class is done and i am back in my hotel room. i had a blast, it's a good event. Great selection of teachers.

i don't have a ton of finished work - that's not what this trip was about. It was to learn technique, break some barriers (both in what art i do and traveling alone) and to feed my soul. All those things were accomplished.

i had a blast with Keith Lo Blue, i nailed the first rivet i did (pun?) and then made a mess of the next couple but i did get 2 pieces done and they're still holding together! He's also got the BEST pair of goggles i've ever seen (yes, even better than those goggles) i tracked a pair down online. Turns out, they're Japanese WWII issue. Fabulous! And truly practical. It was nice to meet a fellow goggle nut.

All 3 classes with Tracy Bautista rocked. They were exactly the challenge i hoped they'd be, but by the end of the weekend, i really felt good about the work i did. For me, her classes were about breaking through a huge barrier that my father gave me by telling me i wasn't an artist, my art sucked and giving me an intense fear of being a failure. As i packed up my stuff, i called out a big "thank you Traci" and she called me back and gave me a gift. (Like the classes weren't gift enough.) Sweet! i'll hang it in my studio to remind me of the good work that can be done if i get over myself.

i'm off to get packed up and try to figure out my return directions. i miss my dogs, my bed, my tea pot and most of all, i miss my sweet Master! Thanks to everyone who called and checked up on Him and me this weekend. It meant a lot to me to hear about all the calls and emails. Surrounded by love and covered with paint - that's me!

PS: Jack, yes - i DID use glitter. It was green. It's all over my room. It's freakin' me out! :-)

why is everything all covered with goo?

i am covered in paint, ink, dye, glue, gel medium and gesso. i am happy and exhausted. i can't beleive i have 3 MORE DAYS of blessed creating. Today was intimidating: there are some major fabulous artists here. But such an out pouring of generosity. People at these things trade small bits of art with each other. i didn't bring anything to trade but i've been handed several goodies. Favorite so far is a cute, purple, hand felted wool pin in the shape of a skull. The lady gave it to me just because she thought i looked like a purple skull girl! :-) LOL! me?

i won 3 door prizes at the reception: more art supplies! Lucky gal!

i miss Master Larry and the Canine Dynamic Duo more than i can put in to words. i'm going to enjoy the rest of the weekend, with out a doubt, but i am looking so forward to being in Master's arms again! (not to mention, i can't sleep with out all of His snoring!) *blat*

off to bed!
G'Night!

whirlwind Sunday!

So, when a slave comes home after yet another rotten day at work (It's
been super stressful, trying to save the business with my one big
pharmaceutical client) and finds that Master has not only grilled
Himself some outstanding chicken burgers but has also made some for the
slave, brought her dog bowls outside to the patio so she can eat with
Him... she's a very happy girl indeed!



To recap my week, in a nutshell - it was pretty bad. Between the stress
of packing and 2nd guessing the classes i picked for myself, the whole
mess going on at work, The Aunt making me crazy...and for some reason,
after all this time i got really mopey about the person that i was sort
of involved with. It's pretty sucky for some one to just stop calling
entirely. At least have the balls to say "hey, it's not working" or
what ever. *sigh* At least i got some great late night phone
conversation while i working in the studio and some good car sex out of
it and i'll just have to leave it at that, i suppose. i guess if they
weren't going to be able to be communicative while things were new and
easy, then they wouldn't have been able to handle any thing deeper, so
i'm better off. Yeah, that's it. i'm better off..... i just don't feel
like it though.



my boss handed me another pharma client this week, unexpectedly. He
took me to see them on Friday, i was completely unprepared: dressed
like a slob, no make up, hair askew (it was Friday, after
all!) But it went really well... They've got 3 locations i'll have to
take care of so that brings my total up to 5 places. No bad for the shy
girl who hates talking to new people! (see, running for leather titles
has it's benefits!)



Packing for the trip almost done. There's a mountain of stuff in the
front hall: 1 large carry on bag with tool box, paints, glue, etc. a
big case with The Big Scary Drill of Doom (thanks pug!) a big computer
bag full of ephemera for multiple classes, another small tool case, 2-2
gallon zip lock bags of supplies. Plus i have to pack the cooler, a big
box of food to cook when i'm down there, kitchen supplies, oh - and
clothes for me to wear! :-) i've started making a "special" head for
the DADA doll class. i'm shooting to get 2 dolls done and they're
giving us one head. Hence the extra i'm taking. Can't have too many
heads, i always say.



Between now and Wednesday morning i have to: get my hair cut, find time
to dye it, bake a loaf of bread, cook a bunch of chicken to take with
me, finish sorting some alphabet rubber stamps (about 4 million of
them), fix up and print and renew our contract (!) and... and... oh,
yeah, go to work and try to finish up everything that's pending for my
old client. ACK! i need a vacation from my vacation! Maybe i'll just go
to Kentucky..... *grin*



Off to finish dinner and a beautiful fresh home made focaccia bread..... blissy bliss!

Oh, one more thing: i think i get to say "Welcome to the Family" to some one.... Master's on the phone having a conversation right now.... Yay! Hurray! i like it when things work out well.....

Connections: past, present, future...

Whoo Hoo! What a great weekend! Aside from the crazy Aunt, doing crazy aunt things, the 3 day weekend was Awesome. Friday was a chance to re-connect with Master. Saturday was spent connecting with a ton of new people and building a new friendship. Celebrating talent and hard work and darn good music with good food, good drink and amazing people.
As much as i love teaching, going to classes, events, bar nights... it was so nice to be "off leash" so to speak and just talk about music and non-leathery things. Although protocol was certainly not non-existent for me (i still needed to serve Master and check in with Him) i was able to relax and have fun. Only one M/s "error" when i started claiming dirty plates from guests and taking them to the trash.... one guest was saying to me "i've never had anyone take my plate before. Why are you doing that?" LOL, i guess i'm just helpful that way. *grin* i think she knew what was going on but i fluffed it off. Another guest was commenting on the lovely collar, she definitely knew it was a collar. Hmmm... well, let's give people something to talk about, i say.

i'm happy to have made this connection. It's not easy for me to have friends who are not in the "scene" because i sometimes feel like i can't be my self. With this person, i honestly feel like i absolutely can be my self. i don't know why. i usually don' trust people right out of the gate like this but there's just something there. Maybe it's because he's authentic in his actions? Could be. Either way, i'm happy with it.

i'm glad to be back in touch with my old Love (oh, stop it! i'm not calling You old!) who has been commenting on this blog. (HI! *slave waves in direction of Kentucky*) It's nice to still feel connected. After all this time. Across all these miles.

Happy girl, all around.

And, none of the buttons fell of my new dress.

Woman alone = Trouble?

Master's Aunt is nagging again.
First, she annoyed that we're unwilling/unable to spend over $1,200 to fly to Florida to go to a family birthday party for *one* day.

Secondly, she offered to pay for us to go but Master declined. It's not just the cost the flight, it's the dog sitter *and* i'm leaving for the retreat just 2 days after that party - He knows that i need to pack and prepare and honestly, He'd like to spend the weekend with just me before i leave for a week. (Seriously, this is the longest we've ever been apart in all the many years we've been together. We've never been apart for more than 4 days!)

Thirdly.... She's mad at Him for "letting" me go on this trip alone. A woman alone could get in to trouble. Could *cause* trouble. Is a trouble magnet. (As my beloved Mr. Terricloth says "Trouble is my middle name!") Oy!

So, she's declared that she's going on the trip with me!

What? Excuse me? NO!!!!!!!!!!! As my beloved Mr. Terricloth once said to an Army recruiter "i'd rather stick needles in my eyes."

For the life of me, i can't even imagine what she's thinking. She'd die on an 8 hour car ride. i have classes from 9 a.m until 9:30 p.m. every day so, i'd not be entertaining her at all. She couldn't come to the classes with me as most of them are sold out *and* she'd hate what i'm taking.
(Really, she'd look at it all and sniff "this isn't art, it's trash!")
(To which i'd sniff back "it's not trash, it's assemblage!")
(And then, we would have a brawl and i would leave her there and drive home alone.) *grin*

Master told her to knock it off and stop buggin' me. Hopefully she'll listen.

Party Dress, Acceptance, Travel

What made me thing a dress with 16 buttons was a good idea? i hate making button holes! Yes, ok - it looks great. It's all done but sewing on the last 11 buttons and the final hemming. i think it's got a delicious 50's feel to it. It's an awful black and red lotus print. Fun! Tacky! me! i'll post pics when it's really done. i just need the right shoes to go with it.... i'm thinking my black and white checkered sneakers.

i *finally* got my acceptance letter for the SoulCollage facilitator training. Hip Hip Hurray! Exciting news! i've already been giving some thought as to where i'd want to do the facilitating. There are some places nearby that would be receptive and i'm thinking *maybe* of Southwest Leather. i mean, it's the home of the woo-woo... SoulCollage is woo-woo. Sounds like a perfect fit to me! i gotta get busy writing a proposal, i guess.

Master also told me this morning that we were nominated for Pantheon of Leather Couple of the Year. Whoever nominated us: Thank you so much! It really does mean a lot to us to be nominated.

Master and i are off from work tomorrow. i think there's going to be a lot of relaxation (and sewing on of buttons) and i really need to do a through check of all my supplies for the retreat. i've got all my metal working stuff for my class with Keith Lo Blue, and all my paints, glues, papers, and ephemera for the other classes. i'm looking most forward to the classes on assemblage. (Keith's class, The DADA dolls and there's another class on collage i'm taking.)

i am scared of the other classes i'm taking. The work is NOT my style and i had to really push myself to sign up for these particular classes. One of the artists/teachers is big in to what she calls "girly glam" but she does this amazing graffiti style work. Um, i think i'm maybe more girly goth so we'll see what i get out of this. Hopefully i won't have the urge to just coat everything with glitter! (not that glitter is a bad thing!) i am diggin' the graffiti style stuff though. Hmmm, in fact: it just dawned on me that i know someone who does that. i'm going to have to pick his brain.

Ok, i'm off to clean my desk at work so i can enjoy tomorrow stress free!
Peas!

New music, scrap metal and me...

my friend Eric of voodooNouveau put out his new CD a few weeks ago and it's been in heavy rotation in the house. If you like good, hard music - please check it out. It's available for download here. Kinky folks will probably appreciate the song INRI the most. i know that i personally am diggin' the lyrics and the whole dirty dungeon vibe of that particular track.

Things have ground to a halt with my 'person'. yeah, it's sad. They made me quite happy and made me feel like a Princess. But the Princess likes to have her calls returned and doesn't like being ignored. So, i move on.

i'm busy putting together my tools and supplies for my Art conference. i can't believe it's only a few weeks away and i'm still blown away that i am, indeed, still able to do this trip. To be honest, if i had to fly, i wouldn't be able to afford it. At all.

So, one of the things that i need to bring is any kind of assorted "found" objects - a la big chunky metal and industrial type stuff. i had noticed a big, beautiful (to me anyway) piece of metal laying in the street but it was in a really crap spot for me to stop and pick it up (too much traffic, sort of dangerous). i mentioned it to Master and lo and behold, Sunday it appeared at home. Yup, my Master risked life and limb to get it for me. That means more to me than a bouquet of flowers. He's my hero! :-)
We're such a couple of romantics, huh?

We're off to CT this weekend to teach for The Society and there might be as many as 60 people there. Plus some folks from Boston are coming down and that's exciting!

In the mean time, i'm busy sewing an awesome party dress. Where will i wear it? Who knows? Perhaps next weekend.... *grin*

i have a really good life, even if sometimes things don't go according to plan.

is this thing on?

i've been having trouble using Scribefire to publish my stuff... This is just a test to see if my formatting blows up again...
Oh, technology is so grand! *snark*

busy busy bee..

Gosh, it's been busy around here. i realized today that i still have some unpacking from San Diego to do. Yeah, i've been that busy!
i had Good Friday off from work, which was SO nice. i got a lot of Art done. (Master gave me a "core" day so i could do what ever i needed to feed my "core"/Soul. So, what did i do? i made SoulCollage cards. So far, i have 6 in my deck. It's a very gratifying process. i'd like to have a nice pile of them when i go for my training as a Facilitator in September, but whatever i have done is what i have done. (just let it go, barb, let it go...)

Saturday was spent partially re-connecting with my Beloved Jack Terricloth. Sweet man he grew up to be! It was an awesome concert and it did my heart good to see him looking so healthy at the end of 6 months on the road. So people are just born to be on the road.

Sunday i was told to clean out Taybor's cage so that i get to use it for naps! Hurray! Hurrah! Puppy Play for me! It's in a great spot in my studio, right by the window, so i can get a cool breeze if the windows open and maybe growl at the neighbors as they walk past. :-) Fun! Taybor's a bit annoyed that i threw out his old stinky bed, but he hasn't been in that crate for about 2 months now. my babies are all grown up now. *sniff*

Some more supplies arrived for the big retreat i'm going on next month. This batch was mostly metal working tools, hammers, etc. Plus Master got me a big pile of fancy pens for the graffiti class. Whoo Hoo! i ma really glad i'm driving to this retreat. There's no way all this crap would fit in a couple of suit cases on the plane.

Ok, back to work with me so i can earn more money for glue and wire and shiny art supplies...

San Diego... my ancestral homeland

Well, this is going to sound completely cheesie but as many cool places as we've been during our title year, San Diego felt like i came home. (except for the fact that i didn't have my dogs stepping on my liver the whole weekend.)

The people: awesome, friendly, warm. The Leather community: tight, together, family. The city itself: the bits that we got to see were amazing. i'm trying to figure out - then you have such a big center of culture and art and nature that is Balboa Park - is it a reflection of how great the community is or does that big beautiful park reflect it's sweetness on the people? i guess, either way, it doesn't matter. i just flat out love the place.

i'm still wiped out from the trip so i'm keeping this short right now. my solo class went well. Our hosts were amazing. Balboa Park is my new home, as far as i'm concerned. Although the squirrels are weird there....

Here's one funny pic from the park. Does any one see any resemblance there?

she's back!

So... well.... Wow. Where did the time go? People who know me deeply
know that March is a really tough time for me. Yeah, i re-live some
deeply traumatic things from my childhood. i feel... well, i feel
regret sometimes at how bad shit was when i was growing up and the
things that happened to me. i feel anger at how absolutely rotten my
parents were. i feel deeply the loss of my first love. (Yes, You, Jack.
i'm talking about You!) But i as i relive the trauma drama that was my
childhood, i also feel so loved and respected and glad that things
turned out the way they did. If it wasn't for the struggle that i went
through, i wouldn't be the person that i am today. So, i am greatful,
in the end for all that i went through. i just wish, sometimes, with my
little girl heart, that it hadn't been so damn hard. (Thank you sp for checking up on me while i was hiding in my Cave of Self Pity for the past few weeks)



i've also been freaking out because it was looking like, due to the
title holder financial drain, that i wasn't going to get to go to my
Art retreat. i actually went so far as to try to cancel it but i missed
the cut off date. DOH! So, being that i'd already laid out a HUGE chunk
of cash for the classes and wasn't going to get that back - i made
alternate housing plans. i'll be doing the cheap ass hotel with a
kitchenette deal and bringing all of my own food with me for the trip.
The whole thing, which was becoming such a mass of anger in my heart,
has now become a personal challenge. i'll do the trip and i'm making it
my personal goal to spend not one dime other than on the gas to get
there and back. No bottled water, no purchased Starbucks coffee... no
candy, no vending machine junk. If i haven't brought it with me, then i
won't have it. It'll be...fun. Well, ok, maybe not fun but i know there
are people who aren't going to this retreat because they can't afford
the classes, never mind the outrageous hotel expense. i'm lucky enough
to have the cash to pay for the classes, who am i to whine about having
to stay off site in a not so fancy hotel?



In other news, the new friendship Master and i began at SPLF is going
along swimmingly. i really love these 2 generous and amazing people!
:-) my life is so full of JOY! ( and a spiffy East German uniform too!
*gloat!*)



And i've struck up a friendship with a person who worked at one of my
clients. Turns out, not only to be an amazing musician and artist and
all round good hearted and smart person but also lives super close to
my house now. Good. It's a good thing to have good peeps nearby. Very
good.



my other relationship...seems to be fizzling. Sigh. Damn. So cute. But
if you don't return calls then i'm not chasing you. i'm actually not
mad or annoyed. Just sad about it and perhaps a bit worried. i hope
they didn't fall off the roof deck at work. (maybe one of the boys can
check that out for me on Thursday? *grin*) It's a shame. This person
would have really enjoyed me in my new uniform. Now they'll just get to
look and not touch. (oops, there i go, gloating again!)



OK, that's enough typing for now. i gotta do some work and then get ready to head off to San Diego this weekend!

2 days 'til Dallas

Wow, it's been a crazy year! i can not believe we leave for Dallas and SPLF in just 2 days.

i know that i couldn't have done this title year without the support and love of my home MAsT Chapters, MAsT Metro NY, MAsT Central NJ and MAsT Philadelphia.


The fund raiser / send off party that my New York boys of Leather and MAsT put on for us last year meant the world to me - for those of you who showed up and shared your love and support, You have my undying love and gratitude.

To the Master and slave pair who repeatedly made donations to our travel fund through out the year, You both rock! i'm not sure that they want to be singled out by name, but i want you to know that each lunch that you paid for on the road was so appreciated! You made a difference.

Lexi, who helped us last year at the contest: Your service was amazing and more than that, your calming influence was such a blessing. You are a Lady! Thank you!

Master Z, Dallas: who puts His birthday spanks on the line each year to raise money for the travel fund. slave catherine, who put her HAIR on the auction block for the travel fund. We have been surrounded by so much love and support this year. Thank you!

The people who took up a collection at dinner on Sunday evening after we won so that we'd have enough cash to buy our vests: that was a true example of what Leather Family is.

my Asbury Park Leather Family: Sal, Dion and Tom. One day at the grocery store, in the parking lot - some men approached us and invited us to a Leather night at a local bar. See what you started? *grin* and now, you can't get rid of us!

There are just so many people to thank and remember. And this girl has some more packing to do, so i will close this entry with a thank you to Ms. Velvet, Beverly of Achella. You were one of the first people in the scene to talk to me and you sold me my first flogger. Every event you were at, you always had time to talk and you made me feel so welcome. When we won, you told me how proud you were and i told you that i hoped we could make YOU proud. This year, Bev, was for you. i miss you so much my friend. You are missed by so many. Blessed be!

Laugh out loud and drive off the road

This morning i saw a delivery truck for a dairy....On the side it said:

"GOLDEN FLOW, THE TASTE YOU GREW UP WITH"

i snorted coffee out of my nose and almost drove off the road.

Comments, anyone? Or am i the only one with my mind in the toilet that early in the morning? :-) i really wish they had t-shirts.

a general plague zone

Everyone, and by that i literally mean every single person in my office is sick. One person is back after being out sick for a few days, another is out sick now after coughing like a barking seal all week. my boss is sneezing so hard that he's getting dizzy, another co-worker sniffling (but she spent 10 days in New Orleans drinking so we won't count her...) i absolutely do NOT want to get sick and miss South Plains! :-( How awful would that be?

i am holding strong. i've started drinking water with White Pine Tincture in it. i'm not allowed to take Echinacea, which raises the white blood cell count and can make those of us with Auto-immune diseases have flair ups.

i like my White Pine, i made it myself. i've been using it since i had my splenectomy. When cold & flu season comes around, it seems to work. When i don't take it at the first sign of a cold, i get really sick. Making this stuff is the best of self-care. Tramping through the woods, collecting the pine, bottling it up, shaking the jars each day.... taking a taste after a few weeks to see how strong it is. Delicious! (Here's my goofy, hippie statement for the day: i can taste how strong that tree is!)

Here's a link to my teacher's page and an article on White Pine and it's uses.

Happy V-Day

Master left this great box of chocolates for me this morning! Isn't it the cutest? The jacket is actually some kind of vinyl and the zipper is functional so, i think this box is going to become some kind of purse or something... That is, once we've devoured the contents.


i got to hear Jane Fonda say the word "cunt" on the morning news, while talking about the Vagina Monologues. Surprisingly enough, the world didn't end. Of course, now everyone's got their collective panties in a bunch. Relax people - it's a play about cunts, and not being ashamed of them - get over it! Personally, i LOVE my cunt. :-) And it's gotten rave reviews lately. But that's besides the point, i am grateful and happy that my body is so fully capable of great delight and pleasure. Ain't the human body glorious and amazing?

So, in honor of my cunt, Jane Fonda's cunt and the Vagina that birthed you - go out and celebrate, if not romance, than the glories of your own fantastic body.

Happy V-Day!

Disconnect/Reconnect

So, most of last week was spent feeling completely disconnected and basically sorry for my sad self.

my neck felt like it was disconnected from the rest of my body - actually, i WISHED it felt disconnected. It actually was incredibly painful and out of whack. Master spent a lot of time massaging me and applying both ice and heat.

Work was just awful. Everyone was cranky, including me. One of my co-workers was out for a few days having minor surgery and i didn't even know anything was going on with her. Disconnected again! (Happy to report that she's fine!)

And then, much to my dismay, a phone call i made wasn't returned. *sigh* disconnected again. Not really a big deal, but after the week that i had - i really needed to hear a friendly voice! So, instead, i reached out to other people who i love dearly and was rewarded with some lovely conversation and much needed emails and texts. i love my peeps! :-)

So, come Friday, i was itching to get some action: i needed PLAY, sex, conversation, connection and human interaction. Really. i was as provocative as i could be on Friday night with out being blatantly disrespectful (and generally Master doesn't like a bratty slave!) But somehow, sashaying around in a tank top and panties that have an goofy owl on the butt is enough to get my ass spanked. i was rewarded for my sassiness with lots of delicious play! Fab! After that, we ended up having some great conversations.... which i almost (ALMOST!) needed more
than the play. (ALMOST!)

Saturday: i again practiced Artistic whining and provocativeness to get my way.

i convinced Master that we REALLY needed to go to the Eagle to support Peter and NYboL and Safer& Saner
after His holiday/work party dinner thing.
(And in the midst of my convincing that we should go out, i managed to strap on and fling Master in the sling!) (ok, i didn't fling Him- He ordered me to do it *grin*)
The work party was brutal - forced in to a conga line.... forced to HOLD HANDS WITH HIS CO-WORKERS and do some wacky circle dance! ack! ack! ack! Non-consensual dancing torture! But we got out of there as soon as possible to head to the Eagle, connect with everyone and carry on conversations that were started earlier in the week. Nice. Bliss! The place was jammed so that, unfortunately meant that i didn't get to have some of the conversations
that i wanted to have, but that'll happen in due course. i did get enough connection to make me happy indeed, so for a change, i will not whine. (patience, practice patience.....)

Sunday was an all day art class in town. i was up early, slightly hung over and bleary from lack of sleep. We were supposed to be making these funky photo layouts with words like "happy" and "splash" and "love" and instead i made things that said "NYboL" and "I M/s 2007"... which lead to a lot of questions. "Whats NYboL?" It's a boys club i belong to. "But you're a girl." i'm an associate and i only look like a girl and these are my brothers. "You have a lot
of brothers? Enough brothers that they have their own club?" Yes, i have a lot of brothers. They're all kinky perverts...
While fending off the questions, i did manage to learn a lot of new techinques and use some fun chemicals i'd never used before. Goggles are handy, indeed.

In the end, i was re-connected in spades.

True to form...

One of us usually comes down sick the weekend of MAL.
Friday, after work, i got my haircut. Chatted with one of my hair dressers clients for a while (OK, flirted.) Came home, Made dinner, felt great. Sat on the couch and in about 15 minutes i had chills and collapsed like a flan in a cupboard. Sweaty, achy, icky mess.
What the hell?

Spent the weekend feeling like crap. i was going to run in to the city last night with my hair guy and surprise someone with an unexpected visit. Instead, i laid around the house feeling like a crusty mess. Ack.

Glad we didn't go the MAL. Maybe next year i'll don a protective suit and respirator right after my birthday and stave of the germs long enough to see D.C.'s finest leather men in action.

Facilitation

Master and i discussed a plan i've been having for a while. i will be taking a class to learn how to facilitate a particular type of Art. (i guess some people would call it art therapy. i think it's intuitive work- like tarot)

i'll be going away in September for a while to do this. In the meantime, i have some work to do to get ready. All the foundations laid at SWLC... manifesting.

The Universe is so generous!

Tuesday 1/15/2008

Not too much i can share here, to protect the innocent. Yes, we got to connect. No, it wasn't the full day together that i hoped for. But, you know - i respect a person who can honor their obligations rather than chase tail. Dinner was lovely. We have all the time in to world to get "the other stuff". Connecting was more important and learning about each other is most important.

And, still, there were enough kisses to make me dizzy. Yes. Indeed.

SWLC - condensed.

Thursday January 10^{th 2008}

Well, i decided not to even try to go to bed. By the time i
was even close to being packed, it was midnight and we had to be up to leave at
3:30. That’s just enough sleep to make me really cranky, so i just stayed up.

The flight was great, i had some stylin’ new music to carry
me along (thanks Eric!) we landed early and we were greeted by SWLC volunteer,
slave tina – who had a thermos of good hot coffee ready for me! Thanks slave
tina! Once we arrived, we were whisked off to lunch at Mimi’s by another
volunteer, Bailey. (Bailey has some of the nicest corsets i’ve ever seen!
Yummy!)

We got checked in, set up the room and hung up our flags and
vests out on the balcony. it was nice to be the first people to do that and
then watch as more and more people arrived and got their banners, flags and
even boots hung up. i love that!

i took about a half an hour to set up my altar for the
weekend. i’ve been focusing on a few things: the directions that i want to take
in life, the way i’d like our relationship to expand, and my Art. There was a
neat little triangular table in the hotel room, with was a nice shape for the
intent that the main focus the altar was going to take. 3 candles lit, 3 bells
to be sewn on to my back on Sunday. 3 of everything. Master even brought along a cool camo knife
that i got to use as my ritual knife during the set up. it felt so right to
have that particular item of our Household be part of what i was asking for. As
it turned out, i was able to light the candles each time we returned to the
room

Good to reconnect with old friends and make some new ones.
Master and i headed off to Olive Garden for dinner and some of the last “alone
time” for the weekend. Pretty heady conversation about what we were focusing on
for the Dance of Souls and what the Universe can manifest for us. Also, being
careful for what you ask for….. Hmmmm…..

Back for the meet and greet and more connecting with
friends. Delicious!

Bed, sleep to the sound of the waterfall in the atrium.
Bliss!

Friday

Judge’s meeting early. The rest of the day was spent
wandering about, spending some quality time with Master Taino and Master Alex,
as well as slave caroline and many, many others. (i finally got my fish tacos! J )

We were honored to meet Luke Owens, the gentleman who
started the Master slave contest. Yes, Luke – You ARE still making ripples in
the community! Thank You!

Opening ceremonies, i was bawling my eyes out during the
tribute to Ms. Velvet (Beverly)
and Sir Robin, who both passed away in 2007. i miss Bev and i wish i’d gotten
to know Sir Robin.

Now, in our registration packet was a cool little Swiss army
type knife. i’ve been thinking for a while now that when i went to SWLC, i’d be
coming home with a new knife. When i opened my packet and the knife fell out, i
thought “oh, that must be the knife i dreamed about, cool.” Later on during the
day, i went to check out the silent auction. There it was. A beautiful, hand
made, well loved, full of life ritual knife. Master and i saw it at the same
time and He exclaimed “i think supposed to go home with you!” Well, easier said
than done – it was on the auction table. We found out a little about the
history of the knife. it turned out that it belonged to Sir Robin. i placed a
bid and then began the long, uncomfortable process of watching the bids
accumulate! What will happen? Who knows?

At the end of the ceremony, Master Taino gave me a flower.
*speechless* :-)

Saturday

Laid back morning, although we were up very early. We
doodled around, did some shopping, checked on my bid and basically relaxed for
most of the day. We spent a bit of time going over our notes for class and then
wandered down to our class room. We both expected no one to be there… it’s not
false modesty, i honesty feel like i’m no where near in the league of some of
the other presenters. So, the class starts filling up and the people keep
piling in….. Now i’m freaking out! it ended up being a full room! We got
started and the questions were flying – awesome, thoughtful questions that
really made the presentation sing. Excellent. i was blown away and felt might
proud of both of us by the end. immediately afterwards, we had to hustle over
to do some more judging. …

After that, room service for dinner – yes, i ate a club
sandwich while showering! Talk about a time crunch – i needed a ton of time to
get my magenta hair to stand up high! :-) During
intermission i got a GREAT phone call. it’s amazing what 3 minutes on the phone
can do to improve my mood. Yeah, lucky girl i am. Plans are a “go” for Tuesday
when i get home. For more details of the contest, please check out Master
Larry’s blog entry here.

To end the evening on an even happier note, after the phone
call – it turned out that i placed the winning bid on Sir Robin’s knife. What
an honor for me to be able to take such an important part if Him home with me.

Sunday:

Up for the brunch and keynote address. i ended up leaving early from that to go back
to the room and do my personal preparations and rituals for the Dance of Souls.
i gathered up my 3 bells, the skirt i was going to wear and a few other items
that i wanted to have with me.

Master Z of Dallas
ended up being my piercer. What a great connection. i was scared but excited. i
was SO ready for this to happen. We fussed a bit with the placement of the hooks;
But He was patient and understanding. Such a calm demeanor that man has! And
then: *growl* the first needle was in. Wow! i loved that He growled right back
in my face. Sexy! Hot! Connected! YES! Second needle, *growl* again! Yes! Then
place the hooks…. Then i turned around for Him to place the needles and threads
for the bells. Yes!

There’s a gentleman
that whenever i see Him, just makes me blush. i don’t know why. i don’t think i’ve
ever said more than 3 words at a time to Him…. He just makes me unable to speak
for some reason. He was standing at the head of the piercing line while i was
getting my back done and was looking me right in the eye – giving me some
silent, smiling support. Thank You Hot Nameless Man! :-)

i scuttled off to the tying stations, first to get my cords
and carabiners then to the next station to get the bells actually tied on.

The rest of the Dance, well… let’s just say it was Magickal.
i got to really reconnect with the Man that i love and serve and respect. my best friend and my Master. i got to pull with many people and got to share energy with friends and
strangers and my whole Leather Tribe. i saw some true beauty that day. i even
got to pull with Master Alex, who i think is one of the few people who
really understands what a big deal (medically) it was for me to be able to get pierced and pull
like i did. Truly an Honor for me.

i can’t even begin to describe what this was like. To anyone
who has never done this or even gone to SWLC – just do it. Show up and live
your life.

After: a communal buffet dinner at the hotel. Food is so
grounding after that and so necessary after dancing for so many hours. 4? 5? 6?
Who knows!

After that: mellow conversation with many and a chance to
finally meet Elwood (hot!) and talk to him. i like that man’s presence. Yes,
indeed. Perhaps we’ll meet again in Chicago?
Yes!

Bed, sleep, bliss……zzzzzz……..

Monday:

Up early, to the airport. Sleep on plane. Home, Dog chaos,
love! Made a call, went to bed….. What does tomorrow hold for me?

The count down is starting to go....

(yes, it's an Exploited reference...)

Still running about packing: all the last minute things, dog food, confirm the dog sitter, print the boarding passes, load my new ipod (a vendor of mine gave me a 4 gig NANO -sweet!) with new music (thanks Eric!) find my headphones.... find Master's headphones...make a call and try to firm up plans for Tuesday when i get home....

We haven't traveled in about 6 weeks and i have no idea how so much stuff got disorganized. We were living out of our suit cases for a while and now i can't find anything! Argh! The pups are completely freaked out by the suit cases - they know we're leaving and they hate it. They keep stealing my socks and underwear.

i even managed to get a new swim suit (ok, i don't swim, so it's a "clutch the side of the pool in a pathetic attempt to not drown" suit) even if i will have to hold my new tattoo out of the water. i am determined to get in the pool at least on Thursday. Even anti-water Master is bringing HIS suit! Whoot!

OK - off to finish packing....

Packing

Oy, why is packing alway such a last minute thing for me? OH, yeah, i remember... i'm not in charge and i need to let go....

On the annoying front - i can't find my other uniform skirt. Crap!

On the happy front - i DO get to dress up for the actual contest portion of our evening on Saturday. :-)
i did have a great day at work, on the road in this weather was a pleasure, crankin' the stereo (old Buckcherry) and open windows, driving fast... Whoot!
i did have an amazing conversation with someone. i LOVE talking music and i miss that a lot. Fun! Nice, i hope the conversation continues sometime.

Master just announced that cigars are packed! Yippee!

i also spent sometime selecting 3 brass bells to have sewn on during the Dance of Souls. Had to make sure the Tones are compatible. :-) OH, Rituals are such fun. (Manifest, Manifest, Manifest!)

OK, off to finish laundry and off to bed. Sweetest dreams! (although the sweetest ones lately leave me breathless and exhausted. Maybe i should wish for dreamless sleep?) *grin!*

Stuffed with Chocolate!

Off to the MAsT Metro NY meeting this morning. Man, is my arm sore! i keep looking down and am startled to see this HUGE tattoo on my arm. She's so beautiful!


i got an amazingly thoughtful gift from sc. Thanks so much! It'll be well used in my studio. After the meeting Master took me to VNYL for a great dinner. We were supposed to meet with the Some One i keep mentioning, but they are horribly ill. As cute as i think baby seals are, when a human is coughing like a baby seal barks, it's not so good. But i did get a call from this person and for me - getting a call to wish me a happy birthday when you're feeling like death warmed over is awesome and important. :-) Feel better!

Dinner was great, we had the same waiter as last time and he's funny and very cute! Master and i split a fabulously decadent chocolate fudge cake with vanilla ice cream and pistachio brittle. OH MY GODDESS! Was that amazing!? It was really enough to serve 3. (maybe next time, *grin*!)

i also got a bunch of great emails and text's from well wishing friends - that really meant a lot to me! :-) Oh, and a call from Master Blair! Oh, and one more email from another, entirely different, cute boy. Sigh....

Now we're home and i am very satisfied. It's been one of the best birthday weekends that i've had in a long time. Maybe since my 29th (Motorhead concert, a blizzard and somehow a stray Brazilian guy ended up in our house.... Long story)

How blessed am i? VERY!

Inky salty ice cream cake!

Well, i started my morning running off the see my new tattoist, Leah. She got there a few minutes after i did (i was early) and we got right to work with the final consult and a few adjustments to the design. Moments later, i was getting the stencil applied and some details drawn on and... and.... hours later, my forearm is covered with the outline of my Victorian Lady Blacksmith! Whoo hoo! Very Steampunk imagery, right down to the cog that she's forging and the goggles perched on her head. Super fetish boots she's got on also. my beautiful steamy pinup! :-)

Then home to an ice pack and a nap. Master cooked dinner for me while i supervised. Great job! Everything was amazing. (i must add, that Master wore my new brown corc's all day to help me break them in. Those bad boys are stiff as hell. His feet are sore and i am grateful!) Post dinner, we each made calls. Trying to wish Master Blair a very happy birthday Herself and i'm trying to firm up dinner plans with... well, you know. :-)

Then: surprise! Birthday ice cream cake a day early (since He won't have me all to Himself tomorrow, what with the MAsT Metro NY meeting and hopefully a shared dinner and all) Delish! and a gift! for me! Master got me this really cool lamp made out of salt. Yes, it's one of these goofy new agey pink salt lamps. i've been eyeing them up for a while. They look cool and i can like it if i ever get a salt craving and there's no snacks in the house.

Now, settled on couch, with Birthday Beer and Spiderman 3 on DVD. Cool! It's been a great birthday weekend so far. Happy 41 to me, i think it's going to be an amazingly interesting year.

In honor of the Caucus:

my friend Eric, of the band voodooNOUVEAU has released a new track from his upcoming CD. i told him that i i liked the track, i'd promote it here. i was blown away by how good it is. (not that i'm surprised - he's an outstanding musician.)

If you are interested in Industrial style, raw synth punk - please go to his myspace page and check it out.

i happily present: The Honest Candidate
Please turn up your speakers! :-)
GO ERIC!

Willful disobedience and Lust.

Yes, Trying to follow orders and falling Prey to Lust is a deadly
combination. i did something perhaps completely out of my
oh-so-obedient character on New Year's Eve. Well, it was at 3 a.m. so
technically it was New Year's Day.



Did i screw up massively? Well, yes. Yes, i did.

Will i admit that i had a good time? Well.....



i actually feel like a little kid - well, if i'm going to be bad, i'm going to be really bad. Oh, i can be so mature! :-)



So, while i feel really terrible for being disobedient, i absolutely
must admit, it the interest of being honest and transparent: i had fun
doing it. In the interest of protecting the Innocent, i give no
details. Those people in my life who know what's going on in my life
right now know of whom i am speaking of. No one else needs to know.



In the end, Master has forgiven my indiscretion - understanding that
even women, even slaves, can think with their small head sometimes.
:-)



We've worked out some Rules of Engagement, which were going to be
worked out at a later date - but things have progressed much faster
than any one anticipated.



All is well.